Saturday, September 5, 2009

Day 464 - Sep 5, 2009

Last night ended up being rough. Kevin got mad at me at about 4:30 this morning because I told him he needed to go to sleep and he decided he was leaving. He got dressed and was trying to push past both Breezy and I at whichever door we were guarding. He was screaming at the top of his lungs and trying to shove us around. This went on for probably about 20 minutes and he finally gave in and went back to his room - and promptly went to sleep.

At this point I realized that I couldn't trust him so I stayed awake until about 9am when I drifted off on the couch. I am a light sleeper so I knew I'd hear him walking if he came out of his room anyway.

And it looks like this is how I will be spending my nights until something gets figured out. I am thinking about losing our daytime help and having the person coming only at night so that I can sleep, but that pretty much puts me back to where I was before - exhausted from running all day. Sure it sounds normal to work all day and sleep all night, but Kevin is a HUGE amount of work. And so is our schedule.

I just need to talk to some people on Tuesday and look at all of the options. I can say this - something definitely needs done. There is just no way I can stay awake 24 hours a day.


Anonymous said...

This might seem a little harsh, but isn't meant to be. It's only a suggestion to a problem with no answer right now. But when Kevin starts pushing and screaming about wanting to "leave" and being very difficult for you and Breezy to physically handle, have you thought about calling your local police? If they were given a heads-up on Kevin's situation beforehand, and the fact that you don't want him arrested or man-handled, but you just need him to realize how serious this situation could potentially be if he wanders off. He could get lost, he could get physically hurt, he could get terribly frightened, etc. You would be doing it for his own good. He knows that you and Breezy love him so much that maybe having another person's perspective (a police officer) might just help modify his behaviour. Maybe thinking that he was in trouble and not wanting to get in trouble like that again might be a good thing. I don't know! It's is just a far-out-there comment! Keep your chin up. You are always in my prayers.


Patricia said...

It is so frustrating to read what you go through and not be able to call you and say, "I'll be right over." I pray that somehow an answer will come to you, as to how you can fill this need. As he gets stronger, you and Breezy 'guarding the door' is not going to be an option. (Stating the obvious, I know)There have been so many prayers answered, Leslie, I pray this will be one, as well.

Most of all, I pray someone shows up today, a non scheduled guest, who allows you time to sleep. Real hard rest restored sleep.

Love always... prayers and hugs too.

Miss Em said...


Part ONE of the problem is that Kevin knows that he is a man...has done man things even if he can't remember all of them but suffers for an anger and frustration that is just below the surface. What makes it worse is that he has NO way of expressing it except in a temper-tantrum like a 2 year old which makes him feel embarrassed at the time and uaually when its over can't remember [??sometimes??] any of it. Unfortunately, for you and Breezy that expressing can be dangerous during those times.

Part TWO of the problem is that Kevin does NOT realize how strong he is and does NOT realize how easy it will be for him to hurt you and/or Breezy.
Time for the TWO of you to learn some new techniques from those who deal with these types of behaviors.
Talk to some of the Nurses and Medics[Doc's] at the hospital to find out what they do and how it is done.
They would not want to see the you or Breezy hurt either.

Part Three of the problem is that Kevin has little or no control over his temper which could be part and parcel to of the TBI and PTSD's and for Kevin these two problems may never be addressed and delt with because of the Brain Injury. So for now they sit in the background causing anger and frustrations.
Now that definitely is a nasty little combination with NO way of fighting it.

And the ever so many parts of the problem could feed a book. Many good, some bad and some dangerous which circle around you and Breezy as the both of you help Kevin to regain as much of a life as he can.
This makes the both of you Real Live Heros in my book.
In a few areas it will get easier while others will remain the same or "God forbid" get worse as you well know because you have been living them.
Last night was one of the bad ones.
And, now you have to make another hard choice knowing that you are the best thing that Kevin has got going for him right now.
Mother's love and desire for the best is on the front burner and all the rest sits in a simmering mode.

Prayers are being said for you, Breezy and Kevin that there will be an answer knocking on your door very soon.

Take care of yourself as best as you can.

Miss Em
Austell, Ga.

Rhonda said...

Just found your blog today and wanted you to know that my heart and prayers go out for you and your family.

Jessica said...

Oh my gosh, Leslie, I don't even know what to say. Miss Em had many wise things to say, and I agree with her, that you and Breezy are heroes, taking care of a real American hero. I hope and pray that you'll soon find a solution to keeping Kevin, and yourselves, safe.