I'm not sure my mood is too much better, but I'm sure it will be in a couple of days. I think it's just all of the pressures combined. I know that Kevin is really doing fantastic, I do, but it's just exhausting having to do this every single day with no relief in sight.
It's also terribly frustrating to have to deal with pay issues for both Kevin and myself. His pays are terribly messed up and mine are non-existent. I have not seen one cent of the per diem for food and toiletries that I am supposed to have received since we arrived here two months ago. This would be a good time for me to say "Thank You" once again because we would be destitute without all of the help we have received. We honestly would not even be able to eat right now without the donations y'all have sent. Thank you so much!
And then I have to somehow find it in myself to accept being homeless. On Monday, all of our things will be moved into a storage facility. In all of my life I have never been in this situation. I have never not had a home. An address.
And yes, I know I have tons of friends and family members I can stay with, but it's just not the same.
And even scarier? How do you get a new home without a job? When we walk out of the hospital, how do you get a loan or rent an apartment when you don't have a job and haven't for all this time? I can assure you that landlords don't want to rent to someone without an income. And nobody will give a loan (esp in today's economy) when you haven't had your job for less than a year.
Ahhh...all these things just piling up. See? It's just no wonder I am in a weird frame of mind right now...
So anyway, moving on to Kevin...his head size came down some today. The neuro docs are thinking that this may just keep on happening to him. So it's going to be normal for him to get sick and his ICP to go through the roof possibly forever. I sure hope it becomes less frequent at least. It's been every other week or so and it's hard on him each time it happens. Something that kinda scares me about it too is that it won't be as obvious whenever he has his cranioplasty. Once his titanium skull is put in place, we won't see the shunt working or not working. At that point, I will have to rely on the other symptoms - vomiting, lethargy, etc. Gosh, I hope I am on the ball enough forever to see things clearly. It would be devastating to not see these things in time.
We did get Kevin down to my house today for dinner too. He fought it at first, but then he did well. He always hams it up in front of people at the house and he had a great audience tonight, lol. Once of the local churches supplied dinner tonight.
And I know I have some questions that need addressed, but I think this post is long enough so I am going to wait until tomorrow. I do want to thank everyone for your words of encouragement though. Sometimes it's really lonely here and during those times I always turn to the comments to feel like I have friends nearby.
And I feel bad for my friend, Tracy, as she is having to deal with me like this, lol. But I'm sure I will be better tomorrow.
Oh and Chuck? Thanks for listening to me whine on the phone today. I promise our next phone call won't be so bad, lol!