Saturday, August 29, 2009

Day 457 - Aug 29, 2009

Kevin ran away today. He was mad at me because he has to take a new pill and he didn't want to do it. We argued about it and then he decided he was going to leave and he grabbed the car keys. I had to hold him back and he was trying so hard to get past me to the garage and he was actually winning because he is so much bigger than I am when I just burst out crying. He got disgusted and threw the keys and went into his room. It was only a few minutes when I realized he would probably leave out his french doors and sure enough - that's exactly what he had done.

Thankfully he walks very slowly and I found him just past the front of the house walking down the sidewalk. I left him go and then my Mom went and walked with him when he got out of sight. That kid walked over a mile all the way to the front of our subdivision. By that point, I was already following him in the car because I would have never thought he could physically walk that far.

He did finally get in the car, but by that point he was already sunburned and he was exhausted. He had been walking about 1/2 hour to 45 minutes.

And I just sat in the car and cried while he walked and walked and walked. What really killed me is that I don't even think he remembered why he was walking. He was grinning and waving and smiling like it was just a game. I think he thought (by the end) that the end of the development was a goal and he was just proud that he did it.

I know when we got home and I tried to talk to him about it he was completely clueless. I told him if this kind of thing continued he would have to be put in a home, but he really didn't get it at all. He didn't understand any of the conversation.

I just gave up.

He came out of his room a little while later and acted like nothing happened. I guess in his mind nothing did, but it's not that easy for me to just forget. And it made me so sad that my son is sometimes so childlike that running away is what he thought to do. This whole thing is just so sad. I hate that my son is like this. I hate that I have to watch him and can't trust him for a second. It's just not fair.

But, it is what it is and I guess I have no choice but to accept it.

And other than that, the rest of the day was good. It was my Mom's birthday so we all got together and had a nice dinner and swam all day. I had intended to get the rest of the rocks put down, but Kevin's afternoon escapade left me with no desire to go anywhere or do anything. I was just emotionally exhausted.

Still am, truthfully. So I think I will just go to bed early tonight.


Anonymous said...

hang in sweetie, you don't know me, I read every are the best.....keep going Kevin has come sooooooo far because of YOU!

Anonymous said...

Leslie, It has got to be so hard to go through this day after day. I'm triing to understand something. You said you don't think he even (remembers) why he got mad or took off, but how did he know he had to take a new pill? Does he know (or remembers) all his meds? He does remember his friends, X Box and other things. Do different parts of the brain remember different things. Or does he choose what he wants to remember sometimes? It has to be so difficult to keep track of everything. I remember doing all that for my mom, meds, Dr.'s appt. It is amazing all the things we remember. How do you keep it straight all Kevin does or should remember? God I pray for all of you all the time. The Lord is your strength. Just lean on Him. We may not know why Kevin, God did not cause that bomb to go off. But He is did pull Kevin through for a reason. I am so proud of you, something keeps pulling in my heart to tell you what ever reason He did pull Kevin through is because you are strong and you will fulfill that reason. There are so many more parents, wives, husbands and children going through the same thing, but YOU were the one invited to speak.You may not know this But I beleive in my heart God is using you to be a voice. So Leslie stay strong and VERY LOUD!!!! Lots of love. Wayne's mom Becky :)

Jan said...

I'm so sorry Leslie. I know incidents like that leave you emotionally exhausted. I hope you got a good night's rest and that today is a better day.

Miss Em said...


"Kevin decided to "run-away" today"?
How are you going to find him if he decides to take a walk while everyone is asleep?

I have been hearing of a type of GPS chip that some parents are putting just under thier childs skin. Especially if that child comes from a very wealthy family or is in an area that has a lot of "bad" guys.
I've also read that some Nursing homes were using it on some of the residents that has dementia or Alzhelmer's because they have a tendency to wonder away and are very difficult to find.
Now, they or the PD calls the GPS people and give the account number and in a few minutes they are then given directions that lead them to with 5 feet of the wonderer.

Contact the PD and see if they can give you any more info.
You may have to call around to some of the Nursing Homes to see if any of them are using these chips and how well the chip is working for them.
Contact your GPS provider [if you have one] and see if they offer this service.

It's happened here when a young soldier back from Iraq and suffering from injuries, TBI, PTSD, and sever depression wondered away from home one night. They had posters out of him-even a few bill boards in stategic places, on the nightly news at least three times a week for two weeks asking people to help find him because he was off of his meds that he needed in order to live. That was at least 11 months ago and I believe they are STILL waiting for word that he's been found.

I for one do NOT want to know that you, Breezy and the rest of the family have been put in this position of waiting as this family has been put.


Check this out and do what you believe is best for You and the Family BUT especially for Kevin.

Miss Em
Austell, Ga.

Long-time RN said...

Good grief, Leslie. This 'run-away' incident sure was unsettling for you. How difficult it must be each day finding strategies to deal with Kevin's impaired comprehension and now more aggressive behavior as well as various mood swings throughout the day. It's as if you're charting your own course as the days unfold.

Stay strong and tough. You're doing a fantastic job. Are there devices such as door alarms in case Kevin does decide to up and 'take a walk' in the middle of the night? Your family is in our prayers.

Anonymous said...

Did you learn anything about Kevin's CT?


Jessica said...

That's really scary! Are you going to have to lock up his trike when you're not supervising so he doesn't try to take it out on his own? What a stress and so very sad. I'm praying God gives you wisdom and strength as you figure out what to do. Take care; you'll be on my mind on my heart.

Lisa D in Cali said...

Oh Leslie...I am just so sorry. I have no idea what to say...but couldn't click away tonight without sending a hug.