Kevin was just very depressed for the first half of the day. I took him to therapy and he wouldn't even stay. He was on the bike for a minute and 45 seconds and then just climbed off and went out and got in the car. He wouldn't go back for his second therapy of the day so I had to cancel it. He just came home and stayed in bed.
After a while I went into his room to try and talk to him and when I sat on his bed he pushed me off and I fell, banging my head on his nightstand. Well, that was just it for me. I told him that I am just not going to live this way anymore and that he was going to have to go back to the hospital and live. I then left the room and went upstairs to have a little pity party.
Probably about 10 minutes later he came looking for me and I just firmly reiterated what I said. He started just sobbing and moaning and it just broke my heart. I just can't imagine having lost everything - the ability to think, the ability to speak, the use of your arm, ease of walking, stamina, vision, just flat out any realm of independence. I do feel for him - I really do. But I can't live like this and I told him he is going to have to start doing things that are fun. And he has to quit being mean all the time. There will be no more laying around all day. He said he'll try so I guess we'll see. He did take his computer and sit outside while I cleaned the pool and then he was in a great mood for dinner. I had him help grill the pork chops and it was the first time we sat outside and ate dinner. (It was a little bit cooler today so it was bearable.)
So I guess we'll wait and see how he is tomorrow. I sure hope that things change because this has been really rough lately for all of us.
First 2 from the Nov kit!
11 years ago
12 comments:
The injured brain may not be so injured when recalling the happiness of his past life. It seems to me that Kevin did well at home where the memories might have been clear and the faces of friends were his happiness.
He is still a young man who needs to be around other men.Why can't Kevin's money pay for a male aide to stay with him while you and Breezy go to work?
Sorry about your bad day. I'm so glad you had a nice evening eating outside. I hope today continues to be better than yesterday. :)
Kathy in IA
Leslie ~ I know you know what I am about to say, so am writing it to just remind you of what you already know, and to let you know there are others who also realize this.
And I am not an expert on TBI, but have dealt with it for about 8 years. When the brain is damaged, more so to Kevin's extent, and memory is gone, along with the loss of memory goes a part of memory of maturity. That along with depression, throws the person into a reversal of sorts. A person understands, what has happened, but sometimes, falls into the childlike state to which the brain can function.
When our children misbehave, when they are indeed younger, we reason with them. To a point. And then we put our foot down and do what you did. And, because Kevin is functioning on several levels, depending on the state of depression, he reacted accordingly. As much as you or we hate to reprimand our children because we hate to hurt them, it has to be done for their sake.
It is exhausting. With TBI, for a stretch of time, everything almost seems normal. And then it unravels. You are doing exactly what needs to be done and that is treating Kevin normal, in that you remind him of behavioral acceptance.
I know it takes so much energy, which is why we admire your strength and love. Just keep being mom. It is the best thing for his recovery.
Love. Hugs and Prayers.
Hi Leslie, just wanted to let you know that extra prayers and good thoughts are coming your way (as always!) - god I just can't imagine how hard it must be. How exhausting, mentally and physically. And yes indeed, as Patricia said, 'we admire your strength and love'. Boy do we ever. And it's OK to have pity parties Leslie, please don't feel guilty for that, or for venting on here... you need an outlet! That in now way, shape or form, means you're not strong like the rock of Gibraltar.
God bless you and give you the massive amounts of strength and endurance that you need (and more) to continue working through this. There are always thoughts, prayers, love and loads of Angel Hugs coming your way.
- Kris, a Soldiers' Angel from RI
Hi Leslie,
I told you the other day that you were Kevin's best medicine...a "Mother's Love and Belief".
Sometimes a "Mother's Love" just has to be tuff. It's hard and heart-breaking but it has to be done.
Kevin seems to understand when YOU finially have to be "Tuff". It's heart-breaking but it must be done in order to help re-train his brain in what is acceptable.
Kevin when re-learning on how to be an adult lets you see the man he could have had a chance at being, again. He is happy, tries to communicate and wants to do things. You just can't help like being around him in order to enjoy his company.
AND THEN THERE IS.....
Kevin when acting depressed and mean is the "scared and unhappy little boy" that is now trapped inside and doesn't know how to get outside so he just re-acts any way that he wants to act. Oh and NOTHING you do will please him.
We all know and understand which Kevin you would truly want to have around all the time. We all weep and have a pity party with you when your life becomes like a "bucket with a hole in it".
MY FINGERS AND TOES ARE CROSSED FOR THE BETTER.
My candles are lit, incense is smoldering and the lines to Kevin's Guardians and Helpers are burning with "Pleas" and "Prayer".
Miss Em
Austell, Ga.
Keeping you lifted in prayer daily, Leslie!! Hang in there - it is HARD to be a mother -- a good one, at least -- and you have to mother him all over as if he were just a little boy while he is at the same time a grown man.
God bless you sweetie!!
CAN Kevin's money pay for a male aide as suggested by Holee???
I believe that your instincts are totally right on, and that as his mother you know when he needs to be pushed to reach his full potential.
I really admire you for having the strength to take that position when you need to. I would be willing to bet that it is key to Kevin's overall recovery.
As a total outsider looking in, it seems that Kevin's ability to react to you putting your foot down would be a good thing? What Patricia said about having to balance between addressing the man and the child inside makes so much sense.
TBI seems so complex and exhausting and unfortunately it isn't a rare thing, so I'm wondering if you've been able to tap into any support resources?
Like is there any sort of TBI support group, either online or in person that you could help?
When was his shunt checked last? Do you think he could be having shunt problems when he complains of headaches and tiredness? Just a thought. It is difficult to know if there really is a "problem" or if this is normal TBI behavior.
Thoughts and prayers,
Hallie
Oh Leslie I cannot imagine how it must be to deal with Kevin's injuries and limitations everyday. You are such an awesome mom and juse remember that on the bad days and look forward to tomorrow.
Hugs!
Missy Gener
I agree that a paid male aid might be a good idea. Some one who is his age and maybe one with similar hobbies and similar likes and dislikes. Although you are his biggest advocate and I don't mean to take anything away from you or Breezy, it might just be that he needs "male friend" companionship; especially with how well he did with his friends while in PA. Just a thought.
Jen
Hello Leslie, I sent you an e-mail. I was hoping you would have a chance to take a look at it soon. It's a question regarding donations. I know your time is limited so I though I would send you this comment to let you know it's there.
I am so glad you had a wonderful dinner outside. I hope tomorrow is a good day for you and Kevin.
Cadet Miller
It sounds like that tough love is just what Kevin needed yesterday. That's hard enough for a parent to do, let alone for someone with Kevin's condition. My heart goes out to you and I'm praying for God to continue to give you strength and wisdom. And for Kevin, that he'll continue to improve and regain function, and for comfort during his depression.
Just out of curiosity, what does Kevin do on his computer? I know he can't read, so does he play games or just look at pictures on websites?
Post a Comment