I am pretty much at the end of my rope. I just can't get Kevin to really eat enough to survive on. Today I told him if he wanted to die I wasn't going to sit around and watch it and I left. He called me within 5 minutes crying and told me he would eat, but he still really hasn't. I did tell him tonight that if the feeding tube goes back in I am going home. We all know I won't, but this is just so damn frustrating. I honestly just don't know what to do. I have tried everything - cheesecake, milkshakes, all of it - everything possible. I can get him to eat a small amount of soup almost every day, but a baby couldn't live on what he's eating, more or less a 6 foot adult.
It's like he has given up and I don't know how to change his mental state.
As for my own mental state - yes, I am probably sliding on the down slope toward depression, but I'm not there yet. I am trying to hold on to the handrails, but if he doesn't change his outlook soon, I can't say what will happen to mine.
I think it's just all the harder because we had come so far and this surgery really wasn't necessary - it was for cosmetic effect only so I am wondering now why we chose to do it. Well, maybe not - he did have to have the neck release so I suppose it was partially necessary, but still...
Damn. Enough Kev - we have come so far in such a short amount of time. Don't give up now...
First 2 from the Nov kit!
1 year ago