I don't normally post this early in the day (so make sure you read June 25 if you are logging in for the first time today) but I am just feeling a little bit confused about this spinal tap thing. When the docs talked to us on Sunday they told us that it was important to get it done so that we can see if the meds were working on the meningitis. Yet here it is - Thursday - and the test still isn't done. 4 days later. I guess I just don't get how it can be so important to do it and then shrug it off for 4 days. Is it important or isn't it?
And mind you - I am not yelping about the doctors, I know they are doing a great job - I am truly yelping about the situation. And believe me - I do know they can't do it while his blood is too thin without causing adverse affects, but still - let's get it done! I hate the waiting. I hate not knowing if the meningitis is getting better or not. I hate not knowing if his kidneys are shutting down more. Frankly - I hate not knowing if he is even going to wake up. Actually, I hate all of this. I hate this whole situation. It really sucks that my kid is laying in a hospital room in this condition!
Okay. I need to get my own heart rate down now and calm down. I sure hope anger is part of this process, cause I got my fair share of it sometimes.
Alright. I am done having my little fit. I gotta get moving and get back over to the hospital. Sorry for venting and leaving, but I must get moving.
Oh and to leave you with the thing I tell myself every day to get through all of the anger and the fears, the confusion and the terror? I constantly tell myself - this is the 26th (whatever) day and he is still alive. And I know somewhere deep inside my head that the days don't really matter - but I can truly fool myself into believing they do.
So...this is the 26th day and he is still alive!
First 2 from the Nov kit!
11 years ago
16 comments:
Leslie,
This is Cathy, I remember you from my childhood. I'm Kearney & Mary Neal's daughter and grew up in North Point. My thoughts and prayers are with you, Kevin and Breezy. My brother Clark (28) is in Iraq now and I constantly wait for letters (emails) letting us know he is OK. I hope everything works out for the best. Take care.
Kevin, Leslie, Breezy -
Just stopping by to let you all know that thoughts and prayers for each of you are always coming your way. And Birthday cards for Kev will be coming his way too!
Praying like crazy that these complications can find their way out of his body, allow him (and you) to heal, to allow him to start racking up many many miles on the journey to recovery. And he WILL. And we're all out here with you - and please never forget that thoughts, prayers, support and incredibly huge loads of Angel Hugs are always being sent to you.
God bless you all, and shower you all with the strength, peace and comfort you need to get through each day. Nevermind the showering - those things need to come out of a fire hose! Hugs to you all.
Kris, a Soldiers' Angel from RI
Les, anger is a normal part of it all. This just shows your strength and what a wonderful mom you are. Who couldn't feel all these emotions when their child is lying a hospital room fighting for his life? Keep the strength and know we're still praying for you all. Love you all. I'll get the cards for Breezy and Kevin in the mail tomorrow. :) Love ya.
Diana
Leslie,
It is day 26 and Kevin is still alive. That is the positive in this very negative situation your family is going through. Any glimmer of hope..is a positive one.
I've always tried to find the positive in a negative situation..even if it was something so small, yet positive. Dr. Normal Vincent Peale wrote "The Power Of Positive Thinking"...I firmly believe it can keep you going.
You have every right to question. It was you who discovered the problem with Kevin's stomach, not a member of the hospital staff. I realize Kevin is not their only patient..but thank God you and Brianna are there to "assist them"..and to question them.
I used to think that talking with someone trained to "listen" was only for someone who was weak or someone who had problems. NOT SO...it makes you realize that you are more normal than you realize to be experiencing these feelings.
Anger is very normal. I'm surprised it hasn't happened long ago.
You must be so weary. To experience what you are going through makes you and Brianna two of the strongest and bravest women I know.
I am so so proud of all three of you. Hang in there. You are doing a great job and will continue to do so.
We are here for you..don't ever forget it. Still praying. Take care of our hero. Miracles do happen.
I have to tell you Leslie that I am so happy that I found your blog, I am saddened and heart sick by Kevin's situation, but I have to say your so inspiring and so brave.
My prayers and thoughts are with you, Brianna and especially Kevin.
Day 26 and Kevin is still here. That is really positive Leslie.
Mama Leslie...days really DO matter. Every day that passes means his own body is taking the time it needs to "get itself right." As I'm sure you know, the human body is a miraculous thing and sometimes it's own best healer. Days are important and the patience you and Breezy are showing is mindblowing. I'm continuously amazed at how strong the two of you are. I love you both and am here if you need anything.
Love,
Ashlee B.
The days do matter. Every day that passes is important and hopeful for Kevin. You three are all fighting so hard. We continue to pray for all of you. God bless you today.
Leslie, hello this is Andrew Shields step-mother. My mom told me about your blog yesterday and I got a chance to read thru some of it today. I want you to know that Jon and I think about Kevin everyday and that if you need anything please let us know. Just as a FYI, yes anger, frustration, confusion are all appropriate normal feelings. Keep yourself healthy and take care of Breezy and Kevin. Carol Shields
It is day 26th and he IS still alive. We can only thank God.
Bonnie W
Thinking of you, Brezzy and Kevin tonight.
Think of you everyday Les!!!
Hi Leslie, I continue to have all of you in my thoughts. Yes, you have every right to be angry, mad, upset whatever you want to call it. I would have blown a gasket before now which goes to show what a strong and loving lady you are. Hang in there, Kevin is in good hands with the people that love him the most right beside him. HUGS.
Jami
God is good. He has given Kevin, you and Breezy another day, another breath . . .I'm so thankful.
Leslie - Always remember that those who are providing care to your son (the nurses, the docs, the xray techs, etc) also are humans. We internalize and also go through much of the same emotions that the family also goes through. When caring for the same individuals day after day, they become part of you. Servicing our American heroes for 24 years, I have seen lots and have laughed with my patients, kept a stern face for my patient, given hope to my patients, and also shed tears because of my patients. How can you not? We are human.
I have a 19 year old son in nursing school. When I read your blog, look at your son's pictures, read others' comments, it is hard not to personalize what you are going through. We are moms and caregivers - neither job is easy, both are required. You have every right to be angry, to be sad, to experience the roller coaster ride you are now on. It is okay to ask "Why?" It is okay and does not mean you are any less of a Christian or any less of anything. Also remember that sometimes the best thing that can happen is that God hears our prayer, gives us comfort, but does not answer. He has a plan. 26 days - so far God's plan. Whatever follows - God's plan.
I do not know you. I feel like I know you. I do not know your son.
You and he have brought so many people who do not know each other together for one reason - to care and pray for Kevin, for you and your daughter. May you find strength in knowing that many of us are praying and pulling for your family. God bless you.
I don't blame you for being frustrated! Hospitals can be so difficult to deal with, especially trying to make sure all the different dr's and nurses are the same page. Just keep taking one day at a time and like you said, celebrate each little victory. It's almost day 27!
Hi,
I posted on Day 20 when someone asked that I pray for your son. I wanted you to know that I brought him to a prayer group tonight - his story - and he was part of the powerful prayer service dedicated to him. He was a focus of the evening for my prayers in this healing service.
I will read up and check back later.
Beanie
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