Day 448 - Aug 20, 2009

Kevin was in a much better mood today. I had Breezy get up with him and I slept in (actually I just kept rolling over every time the phone rang - which started at 7:30am!). She took him to both of his therapy appointments today too, while I made a billion phone calls pertaining to Kevin's discharge from the Army. I don't think I ever mentioned that because Kevin is 100% disabled, he will actually benefit more from being discharged (did tons of research and weighed all pros and cons). To give only one example - now that we have a pool he can have a therapist come and do pool therapy. He has to become a veteran first though. He cannot have pool therapy while on active duty.

And this evening we went to the MOAA dinner at the hospital and then we went up onto the ward to visit everyone. Kevin walked nearly a mile from one part of the hospital to the other and I was so proud of him. We had his wheelchair with us too, he just chose to walk and I really was ecstatic. He is really building his stamina.

And I can't begin to tell you how many people came up to us and were amazed at the difference in Kevin since the first dinner we went to way back when. And you had to know that Kevin was just showing off, right? LOL.

I did talk to the doc tonight too about increasing both his anti-depressant and his nausea medications and we will be doing that probably tomorrow. We are going to try this route first and I will keep an eye on whether we need to have a CT Scan or not. You just never know if any of these depression symptoms are intracranial pressure. If I see any more signs, I think I am going to opt for the scan though. I know that Hallie asked when his shunt was last checked and that is what the scan will do. It has been a while, but at this point, he really isn't having any of the standard signs - lethargy being the main one that shouts "SHUNT" to me. And before I forget - there have been no new meds or any other changes either.

And I know I have TONS of questions/comments, but I am only going to answer one tonight.

Jessica - Kevin mostly looks at pictures of his friends on his Myspace page. I think he can read some - but not whole paragraphs or anything like that. He more recognizes words than actually reads them. Sometimes he calls me over to read what people have written.

Ok - I know there are so many more (music therapy, male aides, support groups, etc), but they will have to wait for another night. I am tired and want to try to get some sleep.

Day 447 - Aug 19, 2009

Kevin was just very depressed for the first half of the day. I took him to therapy and he wouldn't even stay. He was on the bike for a minute and 45 seconds and then just climbed off and went out and got in the car. He wouldn't go back for his second therapy of the day so I had to cancel it. He just came home and stayed in bed.

After a while I went into his room to try and talk to him and when I sat on his bed he pushed me off and I fell, banging my head on his nightstand. Well, that was just it for me. I told him that I am just not going to live this way anymore and that he was going to have to go back to the hospital and live. I then left the room and went upstairs to have a little pity party.

Probably about 10 minutes later he came looking for me and I just firmly reiterated what I said. He started just sobbing and moaning and it just broke my heart. I just can't imagine having lost everything - the ability to think, the ability to speak, the use of your arm, ease of walking, stamina, vision, just flat out any realm of independence. I do feel for him - I really do. But I can't live like this and I told him he is going to have to start doing things that are fun. And he has to quit being mean all the time. There will be no more laying around all day. He said he'll try so I guess we'll see. He did take his computer and sit outside while I cleaned the pool and then he was in a great mood for dinner. I had him help grill the pork chops and it was the first time we sat outside and ate dinner. (It was a little bit cooler today so it was bearable.)

So I guess we'll wait and see how he is tomorrow. I sure hope that things change because this has been really rough lately for all of us.

Day 446 - Aug 18, 2009

I'm not going to write too much tonight as Kevin was up sick again almost all of last night. He came and crawled into bed with me for a couple of hours, but then he went back to his own bed and just called me into his room numerous times. He finally threw up in the wee hours of the morning, but it didn't really make him feel any better. I wish I knew why he has been getting sick lately. He is already taking two different meds to help with nausea so it doesn't really make sense.

Other than that, he was ok the bulk of the day. Mean and irritable, but ok.

And on that note, I am going to call it quits and hit the hay.

Day 445 - Aug 17, 2009

I slept so wonderfully last night. And for hours too! I am so happy to finally have my own bed to sleep in.

Kevin was in a much better mood today. He got up and went happily to both therapies and then we were heading to the beach. Of course you had to know that it began storming and it went on so long we turned around and came home. So poor Levi didn't even get to go to the beach one time while he was here. I told him next time we'll go twice just to make up for it though.

And unfortunately Levi has to go home tomorrow morning. Darnit! I'm gonna miss him all over again, but he swears he's coming back during Christmas break and he's moving in for the whole summer next year, lol. Not sure what his mother thinks, but I guess we'll see, haha.

He and Kevin got along really well too. Here is a photo of them saying 'goodbye'. I just took this one a few minutes ago.



And to give a quick update on Mike - he seems to be doing well. Traci still doesn't know much, but they don't believe it is a spinal cord injury after all. They think his back is fractured in a couple of places, but they will be checking things out again tomorrow. He is at Landstuhl in Germany and so far he is in a body cast. Hopefully they can get him back to the States quickly. Please still keep them in your thoughts as it's just too soon to know everything yet.

Day 444 - Aug 16, 2009

I get to sleep in my very own bed tonight! I finally got around to setting up my room and unpacking all of my own things. Aaahhh...my very own comfortable mattress...

Other than that, we didn't do anything today. Kevin and I were going to go to a movie, but we got company and then it started storming horrendously after that. We just opted to stay in and I continued to unpack while Kevin watched a movie on TV.

Breezy took Levi back to Busch Gardens as his ticket was good for another visit and Breezy's is still good until October. I don't like to ride the rides and both Levi and Breezy do so it was a good thing for them to enjoy it together.

And now I am going to just answer some of the comments:

Jessica - I was very shocked that Kevin is allowing the training wheels also. It's completely out of character for him to use any type of aid - especially one that is so childlike. Hopefully nothing happens while we are out riding to cause him to not continue using them.

Cat - I vaguely remember Melody Ross's husband having a TBI - can you tell me where to find the info about where he went? I went to her blog, but it was mostly a scrapping/craft blog...

Miss Em - you had mentioned about me making flash cards, but Kevin WILL NOT do anything like this with me or Breezy. He adamantly refuses to do any type of thing that resembles therapy in any way. It's gotten to the point where if I ask him to say a word he just says 'no'. It's so frustrating for me because he just could be talking so much more if he would just apply himself. I did think there for a bit that maybe he was just tired of doing therapy like things all the time so I lay off for a few weeks in trying to get him to say anything, but it didn't make any difference - he still won't try at home. I guess I won't complain because at least he is going to speech therapy (although it is a fight every time he has to).

Janna - I found "The Shack" today! I am in the process of reading "Over My Head" right now, but I will read it next. I don't have much time for reading so it may take a couple of weeks before I get to it.

I will suggest that anybody looking for a good read takes "Over My Head" into consideration. WOW! (Cathy M - was it you that sent it to me?) I actually cried on page 1 and it has just continued from there. It just breaks my heart to think that my son's thoughts could be that scattered. So much of what I am reading just seems to fit into what I see going on behind Kevin's eyes and it's so terribly sad to have it put into words. It's so sad for me to truly know how his mind possibly works - or doesn't. (Although I do have to wonder why this woman is alone? How can anyone allow someone with such a severe brain injury to live alone in NYC - or anywhere for that matter?)

Patricia - I have tried a couple of times to get Kevin to sit and look at movie titles on Amazon, but he wants nothing to do with it right now. I'm not sure if he understands exactly what we are trying to do, but to be honest - he doesn't want to do much of anything anyway. We are 'supposed' to go to the beach tomorrow and I am so hoping he will go. He says he will so keep your fingers crossed...

And I'm going to end with me asking for everyone to keep my friend Traci's husband in your thoughts right now. She is one of the past owners of ScrapMuse and her husband was just wounded (IED) in Afghanistan. She just got the call today. She doesn't know anything more right now. He was able to call her, but it was a bad connection and they got disconnected. She did mention a spinal cord injury, but that's about all she knows. Please just keep Mike in your thoughts throughout the next few days or so.

Thanks everyone!

Day 443 - Aug 15, 2009

Kevin and I went tonight and bought a set of training wheels for his bike. He agreed to allow me to put them on so that he can go for a bike ride. Thankfully, we found his old helmet in our things so we are all set to go.

I have to make it a priority to get him out of his room and do things. He is very depressed and I just don't know how else to get him out of it. I called the doctor yesterday about increasing his anti-depressant, but that will take weeks to see any kind of change and I don't want to wait that long.

I do understand that he has to go through all of these feelings, all of the losses, but it always scares me some. I am just not trained in how to deal with this. I did spend some time the other day calling psychologists, but from what I am gathering we need a neuropsychologist. The few regular therapists that I called just weren't sure they would be able to help him due to the TBI.

So this week I will have to just get on the phone and find one. I'm not sure how we are going to fit another appointment into our week, but I guess I'll figure it out.

And it looks like I need to go hurricane shopping. Yikes! A little scared about the prospect, but there's nothing I can do but be prepared. A little trip to Sam's club tomorrow appears to be in order.

I need to get the garage cleaned out of boxes too so that I can actually pull the car in...

Day 442 - Aug 14, 2009

I just don't feel like writing tonight so I will catch y'all tomorrow night...

Day 441 - Aug 13, 2009

Levi and I went to Busch Gardens today. My year pass for there is almost up so I figured we would get out and spend some time looking at all of the animals. We had a great time and it was a much needed day away for me.

I wish I could get Kevin to go there with me. He could if he would just wear that sun protection clothing, but he just won't. Grrr. I guess I'm not sure if he would have a good time anyway. He wouldn't be able to ride anything and it may just upset him. I just don't know.

So I can't really report anything about Kevin today because I just wasn't here. He was fine when I left and he was fine when I got home, but other than that I don't believe anything much happened. I did check with his aide while I was gone a couple of times, but she had nothing to report either.

So I think I am going to just sign off here and get some sleep.

Day 440 - Aug 12, 2009

Kevin was up again all night last night. He finally fell asleep sometime after 7am so I ended up having to cancel the first therapy appt of the day. He was also in a lot of pain today and from what I am gathering, it was a strange kind of pain in his head. We had just put him on a new anti-seizure medication and something for ADD and he feels so strongly that those two new pills are what was causing the new pain and now he is refusing to take either of them. I tried to get a hold of the doctor today, but was unsuccessful. I will just have to try again tomorrow, I guess.

Other than that we had company all day. My family was here helping me try to get through more of these boxes. We were able to get the office mostly done and a lot of boxes are now empty. I would safely say that I am maybe halfway through? I wish I could tell you that a certain room is done, but I keep finding things in boxes that are labeled totally different. We found yet another styrofoam container of 15 month old moldy french fries in a master bedroom box along with good food, Kevin's shoes, scrap supplies and tupperware. So organized, huh? No wonder I have always packed myself!

And Kevin learned a new word today. "Shoe". This therapist is using flash cards and although I think it's great that Kevin is learning new words, I really wish they were useful words. (Like help, soda, cold, hot, etc.) Oh well, again - I'll take what I can I guess.

And now I am so off to bed. I am just exhausted tonight...

Day 439 - Aug 11, 2009

We got company today - YAY!! If you remember from when we went home the first time, there was a little boy that means the world to me - Levi - well, he actually came today to stay for a week. We are all going to have so much fun (I hope anyway). Kevin actually has been showing Levi all around his house and showing him all of his things. He even has a bunch of clothes that don't fit and wanted to give them to Levi. It was cute because Levi is only 10 and nowhere near Kevin's size, but Kevin didn't understand that and I didn't point it out.

Other than that, we didn't really do anything today. I have been putting furniture back together that the moving company took apart (good thing I'm handy with tools, huh?) and I am still unpacking box after box after box. I swear it's never going to end.

Kevin didn't have any therapy today so it was basically a day off for him. One thing he did do today though was clean for hours. And I mean hours. As I have been unpacking, he has been organizing things and putting things where they go. He even continued when I went to the airport to pick up Levi and I came home to find the kitchen being amazingly clean. I told him "thank you" and how proud I was of him and he was just beaming.

And now I am off to grab a snack. Breezy just made a pop-tart and it smells so good...

Day 438 - Aug 10, 2009

Kevin's doing so well at therapy. I rarely go in with him nowadays and it just makes me so happy that he is beginning to understand that there are moments in life where I just don't have to be there.

The only one that we are having trouble with is speech. I don't know what's truly going on, but I think he is embarrassed that he can't talk. He just doesn't want to try to talk hardly at all and I can only assume that it's from fear that he can't do it. I am hoping it's just a stage that he will get past very quickly. I think it's just sad because I do believe he will be able to speak much better than he does now, but only if he applies himself. He just gets so disgusted and I have to admit that I would feel the same way so I can understand it.

And sadly, I had to have the home health aide that Kevin really liked 'left go'. We switched 5 hours on Thursday (because she was moving) to Saturday and for some reason she didn't show up for work. I am a very understanding and lenient person, but when she didn't bother to call all weekend to explain, I realized she just wasn't reliable enough to watch Kevin. It was hard for me to call and let her go because Kevin really did like her, but after thinking about it all day yesterday I felt it was the right thing to do.

So the person we have now on M-W-Th is going to come all week long. I really like her and Kevin is starting to adjust. Both Kev and I still need to adjust, truthfully, but we are getting there.

And now I want to get some more unnpacking done. I have to ask - is it normal for a moving company to pack your garbage with your things? Literally. They put leftover food in a Styrofoam container into a box with my kitchen things. I am so appalled at how things were packed and at the fact that they packed trash in with good food and other supplies. Crazy!

Day 437 - Aug 9, 2009

We had another very lazy day today. Kevin didn't even get up until after noon and I only got up about an hour or so before him.

We didn't really do much, but we did go to my parents for dinner. After that, we came home and went swimming for a while.

I think I am just going to answer some of the questions/comments/emails from the last week or so. I am running way behind on this.

First, many of you may have noticed Lorraine signing her posts adding Howard the Duck. I think I even posted a photo on here of Howard from the PH ceremony. Sadly, Howard passed away last week. To Lorraine and Rick - I am so sorry. I know that Howard was part of the family and any loss is so hurtful. To everyone else - there were many smiles from Kevin over the last year when we would get photos of Howard doing things. Howard was even the ring bearer in their son's wedding. So Sorry, guys.

Cathy M - you asked about the TBI trial that we are looking into. I invite you to check out the website for all of the information. You can check it out by clicking here.

Miss Em - you asked if Kevin could possibly draw things that he has trouble getting across verbally and unfortunately he can't do that. I think he knows things in his head, but between the thought occurring and somehow getting it across it gets all jumbled up. For example - yesterday I asked him what color something was. He knew exactly what it was and said 'duh' and then got so upset when he couldn't say the word 'blue'. He was so angry that he stomped off to his room. I have tried to get him to write and draw things knowing he can't say them, but it's just not possible. His brain just can't convey how to draw it either. Such a bummer, huh?

Paul Pomeroy - thank you so much for explaining why Kevin can say the "F" word so easily, but not normal words. I would have never known that swear words stem from a different section of the brain.

Kevin and Natali McKee - I never did mention the brain doctor because I never actually got to speak to him. He did return my call one day, but I was busy and couldn't take it. I do have a website though - check it out by clicking here. I have it on good authority that it really works. A man was here to inspect the pool alarms and he went to see this guy because he had ADHD and paranoia very badly. He is almost completely cured (still going for treatments) and feels like he has a whole new life ahead of him. I have to be honest and say that I would normally be very skeptical of something like this, but this man had nothing to gain by telling me about himself. Hopefully I can talk to the doctor this week sometime.

To local camp guy with the spiked hair - I love ya, Ted. You crack me up, lol!

Michelle Long - Thank you so much for the photos. I carry them everywhere - they are the ones I show to everyone. Awesome!

And I think I am going to stop now. Breezy and I are going to watch America's Best Dance Crew that I taped from last night.

Day 436 - Aug 8, 2009

Nothing much happened today so I am just going to skip writing tonight. Sorry!

Day 435 - Aug 7, 2009

Not a whole lot went on today. Kevin really wasn't feeling well so he left his first therapy appointment early and he was so nauseous that we skipped the afternoon appointment as well. It worked out for me though as I got so much unpacking done this afternoon while he pretty much slept. The kitchen is nearly done and my scraproom is more than half done too. I got my living room furniture all set up upstairs and I can't tell you how wonderful it was to sink down into my very own plush living room suit. I know it's so dumb to be so excited about something like a couch, but I had wanted a red living room suit my whole life and I finally had the money to purchase one just a few short months before Kevin was wounded. I sure missed it, lol.

So now I am going to get some more of my scraproom done. I have to admit though that I am VERY disappointed by the moving company that packed my stuff almost a year ago. All of my photos and scrap supplies were literally thrown into boxes and my photos are so bent and a good portion of my paper is destroyed. I can't believe that it cost so much money for such an unprofessional job. Once I get everything unpacked, they will be hearing from me (and yes - I am taking pictures as I go!).

Anyway, back to unpacking...

Day 434 - Aug 6, 2009

Today started out really well. None of us got out of bed before 11am and it was wonderful. I did spend some time on the phone, but I was still was laying in bed so it doesn't really count, lol.

Breezy took Kevin to his therapies today and I stayed home to make more phone calls. One of my main priorities today was to find out what was going on with the van. I had it towed to the Chrysler garage over a week ago because of all of the issues with it. I had never heard anything back from them, so I gave them a call today and imagine my surprise when they told me that they didn't have the van. I can assure you that total panic set in at that point. I hurried and called Roadside Assistance and then the towing agent and then back to the Chrysler garage and truthfully - it ended up with my being me on the phone back and forth with people for an hour and a half. It turns out that the tow truck driver never went in with my keys to the garage so they didn't even realize it was in the lot (?!). So there it sat for 8 days with the keys in it. And to make it even worse, someone jammed the key in incorrectly and the garage couldn't even get it out of the ignition.

I swear, if I didn't have bad luck - I wouldn't have any at all.

Other than that, not much went on today. We were all going to go to the beach (my whole family), but Kevin didn't want to go at the last minute. That, of course, meant that I couldn't go, so I watched while everyone else left to have a good time. These kind of moments are hard. It's not easy having pretty much no life of your own and it's even harder not having much time to do anything 'fun'. I really do try to get Kevin to do things, but he generally won't. I know it's hard for him - I really do - but it still makes it hard on me too. Oh well, I guess it's just the way it is.

And I am going to end with Patricia's suggestion for me to send a list of Kevin's movies and games that were stolen from either Germany or Afghanistan. I wish I could do that, but unfortunately I don't really know everything he had. I already purchased all the Harry Potter movies months ago as they are some of his favorites. I know he is wanting to repurchase "Happy Gilmore" and "Meteor Man", but other than that he purchased most of them in the near year that he had been gone. I remember him coming home for Christmas with this huge 'book' of movies and games. I know I also sent him 3 XBox games to J-Bad, but I couldn't even tell you which ones they were anymore. I really appreciate the suggestion - very much - but I will be no help and because he doesn't really talk there is just no way for me to come up with any titles. Sorry, Patricia!

And now I am off to bed. Kevin was still awake at 5am this morning so he is sleeping soundly right now. (no wonder he slept until 11am, huh?) I hope to follow his snoring pretty darn quick, lol...

Day 433 - Aug 5, 2009

We are still trying to find our way around all of the boxes in the house. Kevin made me open all of the office ones thinking his DVDs and XBox games would be there. I tried to explain to him that none of them made it home from Germany or Afghanistan, but he just doesn't comprehend what I am saying. It's sad because he had probably $1000 worth and now they are just gone.

Anyway, he keeps screaming at me to open all of the rest of the boxes in the house and I am really starting to feel stressed about it. I just wish he would understand what I'm saying, argh!

I don't think it helps his mood any that we can't get into the pool for 48 hours. The chemicals are just too strong due to it being the first time it was treated. (and Em - there are no fire hydrants here. I never noticed that until you pointed it out, lol)

And I do agree. Kevin REALLY loves his pool and it does take a lot to get him out of it, lol. Loved the suggestions too! Hehe.

And today they finally came and fixed the palm tree that was laying on our neighbor's fence. YAY! I can rest a little bit easier. Kevin really enjoyed watching the one worker climbing up the tree. He thought that was hysterical.

Ruthie - you asked about the dark frame around the pool and that is just the screen. There really is no shade thing which is why I had to order those large off-set umbrellas. They are coming tomorrow, but I don't know when they will be 'installed'. I hope soon as I really don't allow Kevin to be in the sun for more than 10 minutes at a time and it's making him mad when I ask him to come out of the pool. Oh - and tell Jonathan 'thank you' for the very nice post.

And I know I have a ton more comments to respond to, but I am going to stop here for tonight. It's almost 1am and Kevin is still awake and I have had to get up at least 15 times while writing this post and I want to turn the light out in the hopes that he will go to sleep. I doubt it will work, but I'm gonna try...

Day 432 - Aug 4, 2009

I am actually going to skip writing tonight. I will leave you with some photos of Kevin in the pool though.

Before I forget though - Miss Em - you suggested getting water from the Fire Dept, but I was told there are no water trucks in FL. You have to use your tap water. It ran probably 28 hours to fill it. To be honest - it wasn't even full yet when these pictures were taken, but I couldn't get Kevin to wait another minute, hehe.

Day 431 - Aug 3, 2009

Yay! Our things arrived from PA and all three of us are so excited! You should have seen how excited Kevin was when he spied his fishing tackle box. And when he caught sight of his totes from Afghanistan and Germany - he about went through the roof!

It was really like Christmas for all of us. We have a LONG way to go to get everything unpacked, but each box reminds us of things from the past. It was just so neat opening everything, but it was also so tiring. It is really going to take quite a while to get all of this finished, but we will be here for over a month yet so we have the time.

And today we are finally filling the pool. There have been quite a few phone calls from me to the pool company because it was supposed to be done over a month ago and I kept getting told it would be done by this date and then that date and so on and so forth. I was so frustrated because I kept getting Kevin excited only to have to let him down again.

I hated to say anything as the pool guy drastically reduced the price because he called all of the vendors and got parts either free or at a major price break, but still...Kevin was getting so upset each time they told us it would be done and it wasn't.

BUT - it is finally being filled. It should be done by tomorrow afternoon and Kevin was already in it today. Here is evidence, lol:



He was just so excited!

And did you notice the palm tree leaning on our neighbor's fence? Yeah. I was pretty upset about that when we came home from PA. I had called the company a couple times before we left to have it tightened down before it was even near their fence, but my requests were ignored. It was so frustrating to have to meet the neighbor because our tree was on their fence. They were cool with it though. Lucky us.

Ok. Off to relax for a little bit before hitting my bed.

Day 430 - Aug 2, 2009

Today was a good day. We had everyone down for dinner - there were 15 of us total and we had stuffed turkey with all the trimmings.

Other than that, we didn't really do anything. We did get almost all of the pictures hung - actually Tracy and Jody got almost all of the pictures hung - and I must say we really made a HUGE dent into the things that needed done.

Unfortunately Tracy and her family needs to leave tomorrow morning so the rest is up to me and Breezy. And tomorrow they are supposedly bringing our things from PA so it's going to be a very hectic day.

Anyway, that's about it for today so I am going to sign off early.

Oh - but here is a link to the Tribune Review article that was done on Purple Hearts. It mentions Kevin:

Tribune Review

Day 429 - Aug 1, 2009

We had such a great day today!! We talked Kevin into actually going to the beach again. I knew he wasn't going to allow the special wheelchair, but I figured he is walking so much better that he just might be able to do it. So we all loaded up in the cars and took off to Fort De Soto in St Pete. It's a park so it's less populated and the beaches are very nice there.

He did so well. So much better than I ever thought he would. Here are some photos:

The first is Kevin and Tracy walking toward the ocean.



This next one is Kevin just lounging on a beach chair. He so enjoyed just laying there and it was such a pleasure to watch his face look so content.



And this last one is of Kevin, Jody (Tracy's husband), Jessi (their son) and Jessi's friend Mike.



He just looks so happy doesn't he? The guys actually went way out and Kevin tried to swim some. He did go under a couple times (purposely) and it made me feel so happy to see him enjoy himself so much.

After that we came home and had some dinner and then we all sat outside around the pool that still has no water in it and we just all talked and carried on.

And apparently Kevin promised Tracy that he would play Yahtzee with her so we did that to end out our day. We used to play this months ago and Kevin did understand the bulk of it, but now he understands it completely.

And unfortunately Kevin learned a new word today. Let me rephrase - he didn't learn it, he just shouted it out. He was coming down the stairs and he must have banged his leg or something because he just said the "F" word as loud as he possibly could. You could tell it was just a reflex and I think we all just stood there stunned.

I honestly just don't get how something like that just pops out and yet we have been working on him saying KEVIN for over 10 hours now to no avail (over a period of 2 months). It just makes no sense.

Oh well, I guess I'll celebrate any words he wants to say. He seems to have had some sort of break-through while we have been in PA and us now having company. He is trying to talk more and I can only assume it's because there are more people around than just me.

Whatever. I'll take it!