Yes, today is The Day. It's been 5 long (oh so long) years since that phone call came in. I have been thinking all day about what to write on here, knowing that I had to today of all days.
I really did ok today. I've been kinda bitchy, but I suppose that's allowed. It's just hard - hard because I look at Kevin and see two sides of him on this day of the year. The side that is such a miracle because he really has conquered so much over the last five years - I mean seriously - look at who he has become! Look at what he can do!
But then there's that other Kevin. The one I catch a glimpse of every now and then, but I don't allow myself to focus on. The one who is burned and broken. The one who tried so hard to tell a story tonight and just couldn't. The one who still sees doctors every single week - and had to take so many pills. The one having seizures that I am told can become grand mal at any time. The one that is walking slower and slower as time progresses and who just lays in bed all the time because he is so limited on what he can do. The one who is so damn lonely because he has been mostly forgotten by most of his friends and even worse - most of his family.
That is the Kevin that just breaks my heart. And although I try so hard not to focus on the negativity, I just can't seem to NOT do it on this day every single year.
So, with that being said - I think I am going to just curl up in a ball and cry for a while. I rarely do so, but I'm just gonna do it for a bit tonight.
And then I'll get up, help Kev with whatever he needs and like our good friend Butch says - 'wipe the sweat and dive on'.
To the Sheilds and Findlay families - I really don't have any reason to complain when I think about what you all feel. To suffer the complete and utter loss of your loved ones has to be even more devastating than what we go through. You are all in my heart on this day and every day.
To Daniel - I am so proud at how far you have come as well. I know life isn't easy for either of you boys, but we are here for you should you ever need us.
First 2 from the Nov kit!
5 years ago