Day 28 - June 28, 2008

It's been 4 weeks today since our lives changed. 4 horrific weeks.

I wish I could explain to you how we get through these days (so many people have asked), but it's truly impossible. It's almost like you become a robot - you don't allow any feelings to creep in throughout the day - you really just go on auto-pilot. But every once in a while, it happens. You start to realize what has become of your family. Whether it's a song you hear on the piped in music (has anyone ever figured out why hospitals play depressing music sometimes?) or someone calls and just hearing their voice does it or even for absolutely no reason at all it just slams into you. It happened like that last night. I was laying in bed, just ready to drift off to sleep and BAM! I realized once again that the hilarious, sweet, wild n crazy, gaming skateboarder may not ever be seen again. How honestly is a person supposed to deal with that? And I can only imagine what the people in the next room think of me - sobbing every night, usually more than once. Anyway, I didn't mean to go off on a tangent - I just wish it were possible to explain the mind-set it requires to get through the days and even worse - the nights. It's truly like not even living, if that makes any sense at all...

So some seemingly good news - we have some early results of the spinal tap. As an FYI - I want to explain (and hopefully I am understanding correctly) how this works. There is a 'bug' that is causing the meningitis. The spinal fluid is being tested to see if the bug is still present. As of this morning - there is no bug. This does not mean we are in the clear. There has to be no bug(s) in the fluid for a full 72 hours for us to know that the medication has worked. I am guesstimating that about 40 hours had passed when we were given the news. And I do believe that the longer we go without any bugs, the more of a chance that if they do show up - we are still on the road to recovery. I so hope so. The more of these infections we clear up - the better. And we all know that this one is the doozy of all infections. Come on, Kev - you can fight this, bud!

I also got to see Kevin's right hand today. I could not believe how healed it looks! I swear it was like it was almost never even burned! The swelling has gone down immensely and the grafted skin was amazing. And his lips are completely healed. They look baby soft now (probably because they are brand new lips).

Also, the ophthalmologist came in tonight and he said Kev's eyes look super. He told me that he really BELIEVES that Kev will be able to see. He did say that he thinks that Kev will have a blind spot in the lower right corner of his vision. He drew a picture of a person's body and he said that he won't be able to see the one leg and the lower part of a person's arm, but the rest will be visible. Wouldn't that be great? I mean, yeah - it stinks that he is losing part of his vision - but that's fine with me if he just wakes up and can see almost everything else. We can totally live with that!!

Ok, so I am going to get ready to watch some tv, but I want to say something if y'all don't mind. Mostly I write this blog for me and mine. When I think about how many people are reading it (and I really try not to), I truly get a little freaked out, but sometimes I just want to say something and hope that someone hears me. Not to preach or get on any kind of soap box, but I can't even tell you how many times I have heard in my lifetime that the goodness in our society has rapidly declined in the last few decades. I have even thought it myself. But I can honestly tell you that that just isn't the case. For some people it's just a natural to be friendly. I suppose it's tragedy that for some brings a general willingness to be there for others - to help them get through the tough times, to make them smile - even if it's just for a moment, to let them cry on your shoulder or even to just give them strength by posting comments on a blog. No matter what though - I can tell you that I see the good in society. I see complete strangers making quilts for my family. I see family, friends and strangers helping us get by financially. I see wounded soldiers that come up to me and hold my hand and offer their shoulders. I see a hundred cards a week that offer us support and encouragement. I see doctors and nurses that hold you while you cry (and some even cry with us). I see a man that drives from Oregon to Texas each month for one week to volunteer here as he is a burn victim and wants to help other burn victims. I see vets offering to allow me to come to their homes so I can cook a real meal. I see, I see, I see. Every time I turn around - I see.

If anybody that comes to this blog doesn't see the goodness in people - please read the comments posted. If you are unsure how to see them - click the word "comments" below each post. I can say it's been an eye opener for me. And I can only hope that everyone's eyes are opened, not by going through a tragedy like this, but just by being here. And just by opening your eyes to see the goodness that has to be going on around you. I promise - it's there. Just look for it.