Update on Kevin

Hi everyone. I wish I could come on here and tell you all good news, but so much of what I had been told has been incorrect.

I hope you all don't mind me just really saying it like it is. This blog is not going to be for the faint-hearted. I need to get it all out and I know that everyone loves us and everyone wants to be in the know. I don't have time to write numerous emails and I definitely can't talk on the phone much, so this is the avenue I have chosen.

So I am so embarrassed to say that when I walked into Kevin's room for the first time - within 30 seconds I literally dropped to the floor. I fainted. It was the most horrifying moment in my life. I really thought I was prepared. I knew his face was burnt. I knew he was on a ventilator. I knew he had goggles on because his ducts were burnt and couldn't keep his eyes moist. I knew he had tons of staples in his head. I even knew he was sedated. But honestly - nothing could ever prepare you for seeing only gauze and tubes and lips that were nearly burnt off. (did you know that lips will completely grow back in about 2 weeks?)

So the docs had to carry me out of the room and I couldn't even go back in until the next day. I have to ask myself "What kind of mother does that?". And God, I feel horrible for even saying this but he looks so bad. 100% of his face has either 2nd or 3rd degree burns. You can't even tell it's my son.

As for Kev...this is just so horrifying. A lot of what we were told just wasn't right so I will get on with what we are really dealing with here.

Let's see...his left ankle is fractured. That has been splinted so far. He did have internal bleeding and they did manage to get that stopped. I am told that only about 20% of his body is burned (don't you find it sad that I can say 'only 20% and be happy about it?). He is on a ventilator, but he should be off of that within the next few days.

So about the burns? They aren't even the issue. Up until now, I have not really told anybody yet, but the situation is much worse than we thought. We are pretty confident that he will breeze through the burns, which is just great. But the issue is his brain. I wasn't aware until yesterday morning that the surgeons in Afghanistan removed a "fair portion" of his brain. The blast destroyed it. We just don't know if he will ever wake up and if he does we don't know what type of lifestyle he will have.

I have to be honest and say that I alternate between shock and hopelessness and shock and hopefulness. The hopefulness is starting to be more often, but every time I start to feel good, the doctors stress how bad it really is with his brain. I know they are trying to prepare me for the worst, but damnit - they just need to back off for a minute.

So that's it for now. I will update later tonight if I can. I have to get showered and go shopping because I didn't realize that burn victims' hospital rooms need to be kept at between 75 and 105 degrees. I thought it would be cold so I brought all 'winter' clothing. Once I put the gown, hat, gloves and mask on - I already have sweat running down my back and I haven't even walked up to him yet. So I need to go and buy 'summer' clothing - which will be appropriate for 97 degree San Antonio, Texas.

Love everyone - and thanks so much for the support!