Day 300 - Mar 27, 2009

300 days. Wow. Somehow it feels like 300 years. Like a lifetime. They say that people in our situations go through as many emotions in one day as a normal person goes through in half a year. I believe that. I can remember in the beginning how one minute I truly believed that Kevin would never make it through the trauma. The next minute I believed he would because he always does. The next I was so sure that if he did live he would be a vegetable forever and I could go on and on. There was not one second of one day that my head wasn't spinning with hopes, fears, realism, fantasy, despair, belief and so much more.

What's even real about all of this is that our days are still the same. Kevin is stable - yes he is, but there is still so much up in the air. Depression, cognitive impairment, physical deficits, you name it. And it's sad to say that things will always be unsure, but the truth of the matter is is that I still go through a thousand thoughts a day about our future.

Lately I am so worried about Kevin finding out about what he has lost. He does not know that he lost almost half of his brain. I keep thinking I should tell him, but I am just afraid to. I'm just not sure he can handle it. But even still - I am just waiting for the day that a doctor mentions it in front of him and I am scared that will be even more traumatic for him finding out like that. What to do? I just don't know.

So I guess my point is that even though Kevin is doing so well, there are still so many decisions to make and so many emotions to go through. I do wonder if it will ever change...

Depressing, huh?

Moving on though - we did have some great news today. It turns out that Kevin has had ZERO hearing loss! We met with the audiologist today and she tested him again and found not one bit of loss in either ear. He did have loss before his cranioplasty, but it has since cleared up. YAY!! And I must say that the doctor is shocked. She says she has never seen someone come through a blast with no hearing deficits. She wondered if he might have had ear protection, but there is no way for me to know the answer to this.

And to end, a few of you have asked how I am feeling and it's getting better, albeit slowly. I still am in pain, but it's either manageable now or I am just getting used to it, lol. Some of the people around us think I probably tore a muscle and I suppose it's probable. Kevin is 6 feet tall and I am nowhere near that and me hefting him around and everything is hard on the old body, lol. So who knows, we probably never will, but I will feel better soon (at least I hope so - positive attitude and all that!).