This was an exhausting day. Kevin was awakened at about 6am and I left at 10:30pm and he was still awake. He did not sleep a wink today. Mind you - that is truly exciting as opposed to him being in a coma, but wow - is it tiring! I don't think it would be so bad if you didn't have to fight him all day long to keep his hand away from his head and all of his wounds. And every now and again he is just throwing himself all over the place and four times today he put me in a headlock for what I assume is a hug and let me tell you - he is still a helluva strong man! It's kinda funny really, he puts his arm around your shoulders and pulls you down to where you are laying your head on his chest. Just a simple hug, right? Ha! It would be if he didn't hold you down, lol. Ah well...I will take it! It's still incredibly wonderful to have him awake!!
It was really hard though to leave him tonight because he was awake. It makes you feel like you are abandoning him because he will be left all alone then. You just have to wonder if he is laying there scared. I sure hope not and I do know that the nurse was going to give him something to help him sleep if he didn't soon after we left. (I just called the nurse and Kev actually fell asleep on his own once the lights were dimmed and the tv was turned off. Thank goodness!)
So Kev kept turning his head today and trying to look out the window. If he is doing it tomorrow, I am going to see if we can turn his bed a little bit because he has to roll onto his left side and we can't have him doing that. I am not sure if he can see just the light or what yet, but I know there is something there - at least in his left eye.
The nurse and I had a long discussion tonight about Kev's right side and how he doesn't move it. The nurse did his nightly assessment and mentioned that he doesn't 'believe' Kev can see or hear on that side. Now this is not a doctor's assessment, but it's something I already mentioned on this blog (I think I did anyway). If you stand on his right side, he doesn't even know you are there. If you are on his left side, he will turn his head when you talk or come into his view. And if you put your finger above his right eye, he doesn't even blink. Put it even remotely near his left and he is jerking away from you. Obviously we need to see what happens in the future about this, and you never know if/when certain neurons can be 'rewired' so let's just hope for the best about this.
Well, it's a bummer but Moe is going home tomorrow. And even worse - so is Breezy! Breeze will be gone for 11 long days! This is sure going to be hard without her here. But she needs to go home and have some fun. I am also glad she is going home now because Tim is coming back next week for a few days (he went home for a month) and she just doesn't know what she wants. Mostly she is just very angry, but then she also feels guilty about feeling that. It's a tough situation. My whole problem with this is that Breezy can react to what she's feeling. Kevin can't. And I can't help but think that Kevin started getting better once Tim went home. Was it because he didn't have all of the turmoil and frustration and anger to deal with as well as all of the physical ailments and infections? I can tell you this - if Kev starts having issues - Tim is gone! We have made great strides in the last few weeks and I won't have it going backward because someone has a little bit of guilt. And you know how you can tell it's guilt? Just ask one question:
Would he or his family have ever called/talked to my kids if this hadn't happened?
(phew - now that I got all that off my chest...)
So back to the good stuff, did I mention that Kevin was awake all day...
First 2 from the Nov kit!
12 years ago
27 comments:
Your work here has brought an intimate glimpse into the recovery process for our injured people. I don't know if you realize how important this is to the country's ability to identify with the struggle families and communities go through when one of our own is injured.
I have been following this blog from the beginning and want to say thank you. You may feel you are doing this for your own therapy, and that's fine. But in truth, it is therapy to a nation which has not felt or heard the call to become involved. Many are doing it on their own and thank God for them.
I am linking your story to my blog in hopes of sending you more readers and support and in hopes of sending my little group of readers incentive to become personally invested in our heroes. You deserve our gratitude. You deserve our care. God bless you.
Hi, guys! I apologize for my lapse in posting, but my machine/logon has been inaccessible. However, all of us here have been thinking of you everyday and reading the blog whenever we could gain access.
We are thrilled to hear of the great progress Kevin is making under the constant care from you and Breezy and from the hospital staff. Keep doing what you must to keep him on track, but remember to keep yourselves healthy and sane, too. Kevin would not be as far along as he is with your combined strength and determination!
-ida and family
I agree with judgeright. I have been following this blog since I heard about it on the Pittsburgh news. I'm from Clarion (close to Kevin's hometown of East Brady). Every morning I can't wait to read your post from the evening before. I cry almost every day, either tears of joy or tears of frustration. Then I pray. Please know that for every one person who comments on your blog, there are hundreds reading it that don't comment. Kevin, Breezy, and you are in ALL of our prayers each and every day. You've been keeping the story "real" and we all appreciate that. Don't give up!
Hi Leslie ~ Please tell Brinanna I wish her a safe and wonderful trip home. And I venture to guess Moe hates leaving as much as you hate having her go.
A head lock, huh? Actually, how exciting!! And I truly hope they are able to move Kevin's bed to see out side.
Leslie, your number one concern is and always has been the welfare of your children, and most recently concentrated on Kevin. Change nothing for no one. Follow your already solid instincts, and all else will fall into place.
May God continue to protect, heal and keep you in His abundant Grace.
Prayers, love and hugs.
YAY Kev!! Put your mom in all the headlocks you want!LOL I know she doesn't mind, and that means you are getting stronger and fighting harder! YAY!
Leslie, good for you! You are an amazing and strong woman! You know what's best for Kevin, so stick to your guns! Kevin recovering and getting healthy is your #1 priority. Don't worry about the other person. You do what YOU feel is right!
Stay strong Leslie and Breezy, and keep fighting Kevin!!!
Andrew's Aunt Jodi
Hi Leslie a head lock, wow, it may have hurt your head but your heart was probably exploding to feel his love. I agree with judgeright this should be in a book to help others know what it takes to be one of the worlds best Moms and for others going thru similier pain. My last name is the same as yours, hope you won't hold that against me. I need to go get ready for Bible Study everyone will wanting an updated on Kevin. We will all be praying for your family. Martha
I am thrilled at the progress Kevin is making! I think about you all of the time, even if I don't post a comment. I agree with everyone else: you have a book here.
I was just reading in my AARP magazine (yikes, I must be growing up!) about situations like your's. I had no idea so many of our servicemen and women were suffering from head wounds such as Kevin's.
You are helping to educate all of us!
This situation is terrible. With everything that has happened. It it understanding that the father not being involved for many years adds to the stress of things. Even if the family was poor at contact in the past At least they are making the attempt know. It many seem like it would be better if they didn't. But would that really be the case. Sometimes it takes a crisis to wake people up. So many people have learn from this situation. It is sorrowfull that your family has to be involved with it. God uses us is so many ways that sometimes we can'
t even see it at the time. The father and family will be the ones to have to live with there mistakes. The anger and pain you must feel has to be to the point of unbearable. Sometimes confronting one emotions helps in healing. Keep your faith and strengh. You have the ability to keep your focus on Kevin. May god provide you with some peace with the situation to less the load on and in your heart.
This to is my first post, I agree that for everyone post there must be hundreds of readers.
Leslie your strength through this has been one of the most amazing things in the world to me. I think of you and your family many times a day and each time I say a little prayer for you. I find myself telling your story to friends and family. Please know you are in many hearts everyday.
Kev WOW, you sure are a strong man, first without reservation you defend our country and everyone in it. And you battle through the fight of your life to give your mom a head lock...Kevin your amazing.
Thank you all for sharing your story with us, I know that accidents and what our soldiers are going through are not shared with us often, so we don't know what people are going through, I think it makes us insensitive because we don't know how real these things are, Leslie by sharing the information you share with us, keeps us connected to what is really going on with our soldiers and how much they actually do sacrifice. Thank you so much for this blog!
Hugs and many more headlocks to you,
Crystle
Hi Les, I don't have to express my feelings about how you fell when he arrives after all this time. You do what is best for YOUR child and YOUR heart and the heck with what others feel. What is the saying "walk a mile in my shoes". How did that head lock feel honey. I bet it was the best strong arm you have ever had abound you. GO KEV. Take care honey and love ya bunches. Pam
Leslie,
I'm going to agree with you on the Tim thing. YOU are Kevin's source of strength and doing whats best for him and you are
VERY in tune to his feelings and needs and if you feel the visits cause him agitation then you MUST forbid them. When Kevin is well enough to speak for himself he will let you know what he wants until then it's up to you so keep listening to your heart I for one believe you are doing AMAZING! Hang in there.
I continue to pray for you all.
Theresa
Leslie,
It is great to hear the strength that Kevin has, to move onto his left side, pick his arm and leg up, with a splint on at that, reach up and cover your mouth, and the best of all, put you in a headlock!!! That headlock must of felt so good, it was probably a big hug from him. I know you have heard this over and over again, but we all love and think of all three of you every day. Take time for yourself, I'm sure Kevin won't mind. He is wanting the best for you as you are for him. Thank you for sharing each day with us, we all greatly appreciate the time you put in this blog. Hugs and Prayers.
Leslie,
I think JUDGERIGHT said it all and then your friend from Clarion who states "for every one person who comments on your blog, there are hundreds reading it who don't"....
You have a lot of very wise blog readers here. : )
I wish more people could read your blog when I see articles on the national news that state this:
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/25707422
How can young soldiers yearn to get out of Iraq so they can go to Afghanistan to see some "action" ?? Oh if they only could read your blog !!
I think it is so hard when families live in conflict. Your conflict ended many years ago when you and Tim were no longer together. All of those feelings are now coming back with him now being visible once again.
I agree that Tim is Kevin's Dad and if he cares enough to be there, give it a try. If the doctors see that with Tim being there, Kevin's baby steps that he had made in recovery begins to regress..THAT should be the deciding factor. I would have a talk with the doctors and see if they agree.
Let me wear my own emotions on my sleeve for a moment and let my own guard down to try and help you.
I know how hard it is for you..the emotions that are stirred and the anger you feel. Trust me, going through divorce fills everyone full of anger and sadness. You have so much anger because of this and now what has happened to Kevin you feel even more. I no longer feel anger and talking with a professional REALLY HELPS...and I thought professional help was only for someone who was weak. Little did I know..how much all of the anger that you feel is perfectly normal and they truly help you get through.
We lived many, many years thinking our lives were normal..yet the way we were treated was not normal. Yeah, I know..let someone try to tell us that back then and we would have become defensive. My family tried to tell me and I didn't listen. We have wonderful children and for that I am so thankful and blessed..the very positive thing that came out of a negative union. Because of Tim..you have Kevin. We both smile when we think of our babies. It is SO HARD..but just give it a try..for Kevin. Your children will definitely "feel" what you are feeling..for sure.
Once again, thank you for sharing each day with us.
Safe travels for Brianna and Moe. Many prayers from all over for Kevin and your family continue. God Bless you all.
Leslie,
Your good sense and your limitless love has brought Kevin to where he now is. Follow your instincts and ignore all the advice. You obviously don't need any advice, you are doing a wonderful job, listening to YOU. Hope there are many more headlocks for you:)!!..Kevin is there and he knows you are there and I'm positive that is helping him to fight. We'll be praying extra hard for you as Breezy and you are enduring this separation. Take care, stay strong and as always we continue to pray for all of you.
Leslie,
I came back to this post to add what has been eating at me since I posted.
Ironically, I see the post after me basically added what I've been feeling. We are try and help, yet we are all so different. Maybe you will think of what I've said and feel the same. Maybe not..
FOLLOW YOUR OWN HEART. : )
Leslie,
I came back to this post to add what has been eating at me since I posted.
Ironically, I see the post after me basically added what I've been feeling. We all try and help you, yet we are all so different. Maybe you will think of what I've said and feel the same way. Maybe not..
We read what you post and feel so compelled to try and help you. It is all meant with love.
Once again, maybe something that someone has posted will help you. I feel all are so genuine in their heart.. in reaching out.. with helplessness feeling the pain you are in.
I know we all keep reminding you, but you are doing one fantastic job. I can't believe how far Kevin has come with you by his side. Simply....
FOLLOW YOUR OWN HEART. : )
PS I wish we had a delete button so I could delete my post right above this. If you can do so, please do. I stated "we are try" which was to be "we all try". A note..never post your comment when someone is talking with you and you are in a hurry to post it !! : ) How did Crystle delete her first post above ? Glad she was able to post her now second post without going through all of this. I guess by posting this it will just help someone else out if they need to know how do this also. Thanks.
More good news!! Just a thought. If you put a sheet of paper up to Kevin's face in front of his left eye do you think that he would be able to read it? It is just a suggestion for an experiment. Maybe just the word Hi or Smile. I'm so happy things are looking brighter.
Michelle Long
HI! It's so good to hear that Kev was up all day. I bet it WAS an exhausting day. I'm sorry to hear that Breezy is leaving you for awhile, but atleast she will be with her friends and surrounded by people that care about her. And I hope that with Tim coming, Kev doesn't go downhill with stress and shit. I just hope that all goes well. Alrite. Keeping you all in my prayers. Love Always, Nicolette Loose <3
Leslie, I was wondering if you have told Kevin that he was injured but has all his fingers and toes, 2 legs and 2 arms and right now he just can't move his one side. It just came to me that if he was feeling for his right arm and can't see his legs he might need to know he is a whole person.
I also hope you are telling him he will go to another hospital soon and you will go right with him. How upsetting it would be to just find yourself being put in a plane one day without knowing why.
I think I would have a sit down with the missing dad. I went through this. I think the only reason, in my case, that dad & missing grandma showed up was because they were under pressure from their friends, co workers and church family.
Maybe it's harder on Breezy because she is a girl, but my sons told the missing dad he wasn't a dad when they needed him and now they were men and didn't need him at all.
He needs to be told that his being there agitates Kevin most likely because he never cared before. Maybe this needs to be said with a doctor present. It's not about "him", it's about Kevin. I'd tell him he is only welcome to come when Kevin is able to speak for himself. (just my opinion)
You know I'm thinking about Kev everyday cause I'm sewing like mad on the quilt blocks. The quilt might be heading to Florida for quilting just about the same time you and Kev are heading there! Of course, it'll have to come back to Pa. to be bound before you see it.
You should get one of the organizations to come be with you while Breezy is gone, it's not good for you to handle this all alone, not even for 11 days.
God Bless you.
I couldn't agree more with judgeright and annonymous - so eloquently expressed.
Kevin is so blessed to have you as his mother. I know that headlock was his heart giving you the biggest strongest hug he could muster. Maybe he was thinking all day "how can I hug my mom?" and that's why he couldn't sleep?
I pray for you guys every day at mass! You are such a source of strength, it brings tears to my eyes.
God Bless you,
Nancy
I'm so happy he's awake!!! Wishes and prayers!
Wow, Kevin is making amazing progress! Maybe the headlock was his way of saying Thanks, Mom, for being here through all this with me and for being so strong. I hope Breezy enjoys her visit home, she deserves some fun. God bless!
Leslie,
Even though you will miss Breezy, you are right, she does need some time away. It must be exhausting to be in either of your shoes. Even though you both want to be there and see everything Kevin does, use the time yourself for it to be just Mom and her son.
Sorry Moe has to leave too. I know you will miss te company of a friend too.
It's funny you said how much Kevin has improved since "he" left. That alone should tell everyone something. If he does cause any backwards spiral when he arrives, I have a size 10 shoe to assist you in the "boot", I will be happy to send it to you!
Love ya
Susan
Oh Hell No ! This is Debi, Beth and Tim's friend. I for one will not let you tell these lies and say nothing.
Tim HAD to come home, so he could go to WORK. He does not have charities or fundraisers or anything to help pay their bills. It is ripping Tim up to be away from Kevin so long.
You really need to stop this garbage Leslie.
Tim explained to Kevin and Breezy that he was not seeing them any more as you were still so mad at Tim all the time and you hated Beth, they were torn who to side with. They love you and felt bad for you as you were still always angry and upset. He did not want to keep putting them though that. Yet here you are 6 years later still doing it. So so sad. Let the kids love their dad. Let THEM work things out, with out your anger added to it.
Your blog show how angry you still are. Let it go for every one's sake Leslie. Move on.
If you read the blog Tim and Beth have about Kevin, they do not bash you. http://www.bethsdaily.com
PS: as to Kevin doing better now, maybe just maybe it is all the prayers that are being said for him, consider that.
Leslie, Breezy and Kevin have no control over the "fundraisers, charities and prayerkeepers". People are doing these acts of kindness out of the goodness of their hearts because they want to. Because one of our own has been injured and the family is in need of emotional support.
Friends of this family and pure strangers are acting on their own free will and Love of thy neighbor and countrymen.
The community is hurting along with Leslie, Breezy and most of all Kevin and wants to do whatever they can to show their appreication to Kevin for the price he is paying to keep us safe....
Ture...this is Leslie's blog to vent and share information as she wishes....Keep it up Leslie! Shout your story to the mountain tops! Every American needs to hear your story and begin their own healing process of how we take what we have for granted.
My prayers are with you Leslie, Breezy and Kevin!
Love you Leslie!!!
YAY! HE'S AWAKE!!!!!
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