Day 215 - Jan 1, 2009

Yesterday was not the normal day. I have been watching Kevin's determination and attitude decline over the last couple of weeks and I really didn't know what to do. I have tried cajoling, bribing, threatening, you name it. Each and every day has been a struggle to get him to do anything. There has basically been no therapy at all lately because he won't do anything. He has been declining meds, refusing showers and baths and it takes hours to get him out of bed and some days he just won't get out no matter what we do.

So yesterday, I had had enough. I had just came back from Subway and Kevin had eaten and when the nurses came in - he wouldn't take a shower. He was fine with everything just a minute before (when he wanted to do something), but all of a sudden he was not interested. Well, I snapped. I yelled at him and told him that enough was enough. I was not sticking around (yeah right) if he wasn't going to work at getting better. I asked him if he wanted to stay in the hospital forever and he said "yes". I told him then fine - you can do it alone because I'm not sticking around for that. I then told him that he was going to get a taste of what it's like to be alone so that he could decide what he wanted and I grabbed my purse, ushered my parents out the door, kissed him goodbye and told him I would see him tomorrow. This was at 12:30 yesterday afternoon.

You have no idea how hard it was to walk out and leave him in that hospital by himself. And all day long I had such a heavy heart because I didn't know if he was like that because of the brain damage or because he was just giving up like I thought. But I did it. I stayed away all day because this was my last resort to get him out of this funk I believe he is in.

Now I will admit two things. One - I did call so many times it was pathetic. And two - I actually did cave and go back late last night, but he was already sleeping. I left him snoring and returned home to worry the night away. I just second guessed myself all night long and felt like a horrible parent for doing what I did.

BUT, I am so happy to report that Kevin was a changed man today. After we discussed things this morning, we agreed to work hard together so that we could go home. He then took a shower using the chair instead of the shower bed (a first) and he joked and carried on all day. We were able to leave the lights on for the most part and he watched tv quite a bit. We also got out of bed - not once - but twice today and we went for a ride to look at the house again and then we had a nice dinner. It was an amazing transformation!!

He also stood up with complete ease 4 times today and just stood there for a while while we were transferring him to and from bed. I actually think he can do it himself for the most part and when I told him that I thought I was more in the way and that he could do it better himself, he nodded his head. I had to explain to him that we can't risk him falling yet. Once his flap is back in, we can though. He chuckled over that, I guess cause it sounds like I said it's ok for him to drop to the floor once his head is fixed.

Oh well. It sure was a wonderful day with my wonderful son!

And speaking of a wonderful day - I will say that other than my heavy heart, we did have a great day out yesterday. We went to St Pete to see Chrissy (my niece) and we ended up going on a dolphin watching cruise. We then went to Treasure Island and drove up the coast to Clearwater. It was a sunny 77 degrees and we couldn't have picked a better day. And it was nice because neither of my parents have ever went on any kind of cruise like that and we were all so excited to see the dolphins. Matter of fact - here are a few pics:





And to end, here are some pics of the new van (and look closely at the house across the street in the 2nd picture - hint, hint - hehe):