Well, we didn't really learn much today. The doc here called the new neurosurgeon we were supposed to see in Feb, but he never returned the call. In the interim, Dr T from Texas, called and told us that if we can't get seen immediately by a neurosurgeon here in FL we need to be on a plane ASAP.
So Sue, one of the wonderful people at the VA, got on the horn and faxed all of Kevin's records to a different doctor here at Tampa General and we are waiting to see if he will take Kevin on.
It would be different if his issues were simple, but goodness knows - they most definitely are not.
So I feel like I am being torn in two. I know you all think I am a strong person, but I am sitting here with tears running down my face just wondering what the heck I'm supposed to do. My parents told me just to go. Just take Kevin and get this fixed. And of course I want to. BUT like I said last night - it's just not that easy.
Just the thought of losing my dad sends me into a tailspin and thinking that I might not even be here is ripping me apart.
I know, that in reality, I will have no choice but to take care of my baby. No matter what, I know this. But damnit! I really just want this to end. I want Kevin well. I want my dad well. And I want my mom well. That's really all I want in the world.
Can somebody please PLEASE make this happen?!!!
First 2 from the Nov kit!
12 years ago
17 comments:
Leslie, I don't even know what to say other than that you have the love and support of all of us. Having to go through Kevin's ongoing recovery, and the health problems of both of your parents...I don't know what I would do in this same situation.
I am praying that the doctor from Tampa General will be able to take a look at Kevin's records and see Kevin. Either that or the other neuro doc returns your calls.
Of course you will be a mom first and take care of your baby, but you will be there for your family as well and I'm sure they understand.
Again, sending lots of thoughts and prayers out tonight - for your father, your mother, for Kevin, for all of their doctors and the staff, and yes, for YOU. It is okay to cry and feel conflicted and to need a shoulder to lean on.
*hugs*
If your family knows Kevin is OK then they may all feel less stress about everything else.
Thankfully you have a family that knows and supports the fact that Kevin must come before they do.
Oh Leslie, I wish there were some way possible I could take this burden of choices off your shoulder! Even if just for a day or so, if nothing else! My heart goes out to you and your family at this time. If you can think of anything at all I could possible do, I am only a phone call away.
I love you, Les. I so wish I could fix it all for you. :( If only.
oh sweetie. Hugs and warm thoughts are going out to you and all the entire family. I cant even imagine what you are going thought but know that God does and He has a plan for EVERYTHING. Look to him for your comfort and guidance. Nothing is too trivial to ask for or to seek help with. We are praying for you daily. Look to Jesus... He will help you through these times. God doesnt bring sickness or pain to us but He can use them for His glory! Love to all of you.
Jessica Juart Bish
Leslie, I'm so sorry. I understand you're feeling torn but we both know that of course you will put your child first, ahead of your parents and ahead of yourself and your own feelings. That's the way it has to be. Your mom giving her blessing for you to go is her way of taking care of HER child.
I too wish I could fix things for you.
Keeping everyone in my prayers.
Of course, your child's health comes first.
A.
Hi Leslie,
Your parents telling you to take care of Kevin is their way of saying that Kevin must come before them. That they know and understand the reasons that you will not be with them and that is the way they want it.
I know that all of this is tearing you apart but your parents and family are trying to GIVE to you as many pieces of the NON-guilt pieces to Lif's puzzle to hold close NO matter what their out-come will be.
Candles lit. Prayers being said.
Take care of Kevin and yourself.
Miss Em
Austell, Ga.
Leslie, I hardly have words to express. I have religiously read your blog everyday since it was started. I have not always left comments but I have felt your anguish over the past year and months. I can hardly believe this is happening.
You all need a break from this toil and torment in your lives.
I do hope that the new neurosurgeon accepts him when he receives the papers.
God bless you Mom and Dad through their own issues as well. They realize that you can not be in two places at once and that your priority has to be you son.
God bless and many prayers your way.
Leslie, I'm praying for you today....that you would allow God to take your burdens and that HE would give you HIS comfort and wisdom for the days ahead. Crying is a great outlet too....I'm so glad we can cry at times like these. My heart goes out to you and your family. I just wish I could be closer to help somehow.
Sending love,
Anita
Oh Honey, I ache for you.
Of course you have to take care of Kevin's emergency first. Your dad would not want you at his (your dad's) side if you are endangering his grandson by doing so! Your folks already told you that. That is parents' love in all its goodness and glory.
Take one minute, one hour at a time and do what you have to do.
We are all here for you.
Cathy M
We pray for you to have the strength and wisdom to make these difficult decisions, but more so, from the sound of your heart filled with deep frustration and startling fear, we pray that events turn so that when you are with Kevin, everything goes well, so afterwards you have no regrets. No, "what if".
At times, when it is too much, a simple plea becomes a prayer...God be THERE.
Love and hugs and prayer. Always
Leslie, take care of Kevin and have faith in knowing that God is taking care of your Dad. I pray that it all works out for you.
Sometimes life just sucks doesn't it? I don't understand why some are asked to endure so much and others seem to float through life without a worry.
As I have read your posts, I can so relate to some of Kevin's behaviors. Our adopted 13-years old DGS is a victim of Fetal Alcohol Syndrome. He can be the sweetest child and then turn into someone we don't even know...he currently is an in-patient at a Behavioral Health Center. We are hoping a med ajustment will help.
As for your current situation, my heart aches for you! I will remember your family in prayer, hoping for a good outcome with your parents and quality successful care for Kevin. And for you Leslie, I will pray for a feeling of God's comfort and peace!
Leslie and family,
Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers.
Barbie L.
My heart just aches for you and your family. I'm praying that God will send some much needed miracles your way for Kevin, your mom and your dad. I hope that neurologist called you back today. I'll be thinking of you and praying...and praying! Take care.
Many thoughts and prayers.
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