We had a really bad day today. It was so bad that Kev didn't even get out of bed once. He was just very miserable. We really don't know why - maybe he just was having an 'off' day. Hopefully he feels better tomorrow.
So I have a question for anybody who might understand the military vs VA systems...
Would it be better for us to retire Kevin? And please give me reasons why we should or shouldn't.
I had a long talk with the doctor last week and it's my general feeling that Kevin is emerging on his own and this hospital is doing nothing for us (therapy wise) than any other hospital or home health plan could do. We are getting 45 mins of speech and an hour of PT/OT combined 'mostly" every day. To be honest - every word Kevin has learned, every new event, has been taught by Breezy or I. I just can't see being here.
So I chatted with the doc and he agreed that Kevin doesn't require all of the newfangled therapies or equipment that is needed by those less emerging than Kev.
To me, that meant that we could go home soon, right? Wrong.
We actually can leave the hospital once Kev has his skull replaced, but I was informed that it won't be in Kevin's best interest to go back to Pennsylvania and endure the cold winters.
That means that we have to make our home somewhere warmer. My first thought was to go back to San Antonio as I really liked it there. But there are two reasons that I had to nix that idea - one - plane tickets would be too expensive for my family to come and visit and two - we need to be close to a polytrauma hospital. After further researching this over the weekend, it appears we are going to have to stay here in the Tampa area. This makes me sad. I don't really want to live here. I just want to go home.
But, after having yet another good cry about this issue - I do realize that it just doesn't matter what I want. It's all about Kevin and he needs warmth. And now I need to figure out how to buy a home for us.
Bringing us back to my question - Should we retire Kevin from the Army?
The VA will give $60,000 to help buy or adapt a home for 100% disabled veterans. I will need that money to have a down payment. But do I want to retire him to get it?
I am just so scared to make the wrong decision. First, I don't want to retire him in case he doesn't want that. (but to be honest - he tells me he doesn't want to stay in the Army anymore - however - I don't think he understands what that really means) Second - am I going to screw him out of medical care he will only receive as an active duty member? Third - am I going to screw him out of benefits he will only receive as an active duty member? And what am I not thinking of? I am completely uneducated about the military. And about the VA.
So please - anybody - throw your thoughts, good or bad, out there for me to think about. I was told I needed to make a housing decision in about two weeks if we are going to go home within the next four months or so. I guess this is the time frame it takes to buy/build a home for someone that is handicapped and I am anticipating the cranioplasty to be in Jan or Feb. We would need some recovery time and then I want to stay long enough to make sure he doesn't reject the plate in his head.
I have been really worried about making this decision. I am just so scared to do the wrong thing for Kevin.
So help me, please! Just click on the word "comments" at the end of this post (if you have never done so) and give me your 2 cents...
First 2 from the Nov kit!
12 years ago
32 comments:
A few weeks back there was a distant relative of Kevin's who is really high up in the military who posted his phone number to you when you were having pay check issues. I would call him ASAP.
He is retired and knows all the ins and outs and he has all the contacts. Plus he seemed to really care about all three of you.
He offered to help the three of you in any way he could. Take him up on it.
As you know this needs to be a informed decision and not one to be made with out a lot of correct information.
What a heavy burden you carry, so sorry.
I don't have any answers for you but I'm going to send out some feelers; my mother in law works in the VA system (in Butler of all places!) and might have some perspective on VA care. There have to be folks out there facing this same decision ... you shouldn't have to make this decision alone!
hi leslie, my name is terry lynch. my husband was 100% disabled, and a vet. i think you need to get ahold of the dav. i'll get back to you. we all think of you and kevin every monent of every day. god bless.
I used to do this type of work when I was in the Army. There are pros and cons each way. Ihave a friend that works Retirement service @ Fort Knox that is in the know.As a matter of fact, she is the Retirement Services Officer. I'll get you her number and she can give you the latest skinny on retirement vs active duty.
Leslie:
I am Juliann - the mother of the son that was seriously injured in July of 2004. Jeff decided on the retirement - he receives 80% disability pay from the military and also, you can go onto the Social Security Website and the Wounded Warrior Project has a link that Kevin can apply for Social Security Disability. Kevin would receive the Tri Care medical plus medicare. Also did you apply for the $100,000 that 80% and above injured soldiers receive? If you need any information on that I can send it to you. I'm not sure what active duty benefits you would be giving up, but I thought I would let you know what my son did. If you would like to email me, my address is juliann.cole@us.hjheinz.com (yes, I work for the HJ Heinz Company in Pittsburgh! :)
I guess everyone is reading this in shock. I can't imagine all injured soldiers having to live in the south, give up family & friends,a strong support system, familiar faces, aged grandparents. It's not like Kevin is going to be running around in the snow anymore then he'll be running around in 95 degree heat. Somethings you can't replace with warm temperatures.
I think those of us who read your blog from your home town area, will have to adjust to this news.
I spoke with my aunt who works at Camp Lejeune in N.C. She said both sides have their advantages, and for you to weigh them. If he remains active duty, she reccomends that he gets in to a wounded warrior center (which she said most bases have) and there he would be living among other wounded soldiers...and she said they tend to do better with that support of having another soldier that can understand what they have gone through. She said they would also have homes similar to the Fisher home you are in for you and Breezy to live in. She felt he would get what she called higher profile care if he were active. She said instead of transporting them to hospitals for PT and so forth, they have those facilities at their centers. And she described them as they are like barracks, but they aren't barracks.
Now on to the retired side. Her husband is a retired Marine. She said in retirement he should not only receive his check from the VA but would also continue to receive a check from the branch of service that he served. (army I think in his case).
But totally her opinion, others might have other situations, but she felt his care would be much better if he was active.
Hope this helps, and we will continue to keep you all and your decisions and your doctors in our prayers.
God Bless!
Leslie I contacted Senator Caseys office to see if they would get in touch with you they said they couldn't bring your web site up to get your info off of that, but you can call them I talked to a Joe Gookin Phone # 412-803-7370 as by law they couldn't talk to me but he said to have you call him. Good luck in what ever you do and I'll be praying for you, talk to as many people as you can that may be of help. Get different views. God hasn't brought Kevin this far to let him down. I know its very scary.
I don't have any suggestions as to whether or not you should retire. But I wouldn't give up on going back to Pennsylvania. You, Breezy, and Kevin need your family around you. My thinking is that disabled people live in cold conditions. Doesn't Bob Woodruff live in New York City? His injury was similar to Kevin's in that his skull had to be rebuilt (granted he didn't have burn injuries). Please don't give up on going home.
I belong to Soldiers' Angels and just came across a website you might want to check out.
www.nationalresourcedirectory.org
This is fairly new and is loaded with info.
Jocelyn
Dear Leslie,
I don't know if it will help, but on the Soldiers' Angels forum today there was a post about The National Resource Directory, "The directory is a Web-based network of care coordinators, providers and support partners with resources for wounded, ill and injured service members, veterans, their families, families of the fallen and those who support them." It's available at The directory is a Web-based network of care coordinators, providers and support partners with resources for wounded, ill and injured service members, veterans, their families, families of the fallen and those who support them. Our thoughts and prayers are with you always. You all have done so much and come so far, I have no doubt you will see this through as well. We're here for you.
Liz, Soldiers Angels
That is too neat. Great Angels think alike!
*Angel hugs!*
I wish I had words of wisdom for you Leslie. No wait, I wish I could make it go away for you and all of the families out there that have to deal with these things; the life changing decisions you have to make in short order with little or no information, the pain and anguish you must feel while you're making decisions for another adult who just can't make those decisions right now.. All the time you're stressed out, bone tired, missing your home and family and friends while caring for and worried about your wounded hero - you just want him to be better. He (AND YOU AND BREEZY) have done and given so much for all of us, it's so wrong and a shame that you have to deal with these logistics. Gosh I wish I could stop the ride for you.
I'm sending loads of extra thoughts and prayers to you all, praying so hard for your strength every single day. God bless you Leslie, Breezy & Kevin, we're all out here praying for you and praying with you. Hugs are coming your way right now.
Kris, a Soldiers' Angel from RI
Hey Leslie, I passed your post onto my friend Col.Bob, he works at the Pentagon, he will try and write to you tonight...best...chalkie
Leslie,
Call me. Cell# 931-436-5663. Work# 270-798-0167 or 270-798-0166 (If I'm not in, leave a number where I can call you back). E-mail: stephen.kammerdiener@us.army.mil Work E-mail: Stephen.Kammerdiener@AMEDD.ARMY.MIL I don't know all the answers but I guarantee I can get them.
Whatever you do, don't let Kevin get out until he gets promoted to E-4 or maybe even E-5. According to my math, he will be eligible in a few months.
There is some very good news for your situation in general. Since 2005, the Congress has passed a series of laws that has made a quantam leap forward in pay, benefits, and medical care of Veterans. It isn't like it was 10 years ago where you had to guess which avenue was best. At the same time, you are right, you need to make an informed decision.
All the good folks posting comments of advice are giving you the best they know and I don't want to sound uppity, but, I can help you a lot.
Call any time,
Steve Kammerdiener
Command Sergeant Major (retired)
Leslie,
I agree with the earlier comment that you shouldn't give up on going back home. Lots of people across the nation are dealing with the same issues you and Breezy and Kevin are and being close to family and friends can make a tremendous difference in Kev's recovery. You and Breezy need that support as well.
Get a second, third, fourth and fifth opinion if necessary as to whether you should go back to Pennsylvania.
In the end, do what's right for your whole family. Kevin will be better off having them all close.
Our thoughts are with you all...
Leslie ,don't let Kevin retire ! What they are trying to do is this: They want to send him to a new system
( The VA ).I tell you why ; evidently they can't do anymore for him in Tampa ( I think it is a bunch of BS)
Kevin WILL be able to speak someday and ask you why you did it ! I think you should wait with the retirement!
ALSO GET A HOLD OF SOMEBODY FROM THE AMERICAN LEGION OR VFW AND ASK THEM IF THEY HAVE A SERVICE OFFICER THEY COULD HELP YOU WITH ALL THESE QUESTION'S.
IF HIS PAY HAS NOT BEEN FIXED , WRITE TO YOUR STATE SENATOR AND ASK HIM FOR HELP ! DO NOT SIGN ANYTHING THAT HAS TO DO WITH RETIREMENT. I THINK THAT IS KEVIN'S DECISION TO MAKE. YOU CAN ALWAYS PUT THE PAPERWORK IN LATER FOR RETIREMENT. IT IS NOT LIKE YOU CAN'T DO IT LATER.
His paycheck should have never been messed up in the first place
Angel Hugs
Petra
Sorry, here is one more OPTION . Check with the Military JAG Office. Those are lawyers who help Soldiers , find out from them if it is in the best Interest of Kevin; or the Military !
Hang in there Leslie and tell yourself that you don't HAVE to make up your mind yet.
It is just better when you talk to a Army Lawyer first.
Hugs
Petra
Leslie, I showed your post to a Law Professor (and Veteran) from Pace University in New York, this is what he wrote back...
My advice is simple but is based on experience. This family needs to be guided by legal counsel familiar with the ins, outs and policies of veterans care. Kevin's family is doing yeoman service. I'm deeply moved by these accounts, but the issues raised now by Kevin's mom require answers based on extensive knowledge and experience, not hunches and certainly not on transient emotions related to selecting what will be a permanent home.
Just as not all the doctors and nurses have been of optimum effectiveness, not all alwyers are either. There are attorneys who are experienced in this field and their reputation can be checked. As a start I would have Kevin's mom consult with a staff JAG attorney to get the basics of Army benefits versus V.A. benefits and then seek an appointment with a V.A. representative.
Leslie, I don't know everything about brain injury but I do know a little. Though Micah's head injury was a closed TBI I met many people with open and people that had the skull removed for sometime. I am thinking of a little girl that lives very close to me that had hers out for about a year. To my knowledge the weather here was never mentioned. I could give you the names of some of Micah's TBI physicians if you would like to talk to them. They are at AGH in Pittsburgh and his rehab was in Harmerville.
Good Luck...you will be in my prayers
I see that a lot of people who care deeply about you that live near you in Pensylvania would like for you to return to home. You have been away from home for more than 5 months already and Kevin has come a long way. I know you hold dear ties to friends and family at home and they will be with you no matter where you are, but I recommend you do what's best for Kevin. This decision should not be make immediatly - there are people out there that can help you while Kevin is active duty and I wouldn't consider any decision without speaking to the professionals first. I would recommed contacting a JAG officer - as legal representation they will be able to assist you with any legal questions you may have. Once Kevin retires, you will not be able to re-activate him to active duty so this decision has to be carfully considered. I would recommend talking to a TAP (Transistion Assistance Program) coordinator. TAP offers transition resources and on their website they also have resources such as this one: Compensation and Benefits handbook for seriously ill and injured members of the armed forces.http://www.transitionassistanceprogram.com/portal/transition/resources/PDF/Compensation_and_Benefits_Handbook.pdf If you take one recommendation from me, I would recommend you go to DAV (Disabled American Veterans) www.dav.org. Speak to someone at DAV and they will pretty much be able to enlighten you and hopefully make it easier for you to make a the best decision for your family. I hope I could help.
Leslie when you go to my site there is a Banner on there " Patriot Outreach " click on that or search for Patriotoutreach.org , which ever is easier .
Sorry I am writing so many times 1
Hugs
Petra
youi cant stay in tampa till it get warmer back here in butler county then bring him back and let him make that decision on his own???
Hi Les,
I have no answers to your questions as I have no knowledge of the military ins & outs, but so many people do as you can see from all the comments and suggestions. I know you will make the right decision once you get all the information you are looking for. Look how great Kevin has done so far with your and Breezy's help! You have made all the right decisions, and you will continue to do so. Have faith in yourself Les.
Now, about you staying in Tampa and warmer weather. I have my doubts about that. I know a gentleman that sustained a head injury in Desert Storm, and he lives here in the northwest where it is cold and wet and rainy, and he does fine. I would get a few more opinions on that subject. I feel it is so important for Kevin to be around family. There is no better medicine than family.
Les, I wish I could make everything better for you 3. I am so sorry you have all this pressure and decisions to make. But again, have faith in yourself. You will do what's best and right!! You have so far....
Healing and positive thoughts for Kevin.
Strength for Leslie and Breezy.
Safe thoughts for all military personnel and strength for their families.
BIG HUGS AND ALL MY LOVE FOR ALL 3 OF YOU!!!!
Andrew's Aunt Jodi
Dear Leslie,
I have to agree with the advice of a couple of people that have commented here. 1. I too believe it would be in Kevin's best interest to stay on active duty status until he at least reach the rank of E-5 so that he will receive higher pay benefits when retirement comes. 2. I do believe that he will receive better care as an active duty soldier. The VA system still has not be fixed and won't be anytime soon. 3. I would take CSM Stephen K. up on his offer and give him a call. It has been my experience that CSM's always look after soldiers. 4. I would defiantly contact a local JAG officer to get their advice.
As far as Kevin's pay is concerned, you have given the the Army more than sufficient time to correct it. Contact your Congress person and Senators and get them involved. When i was serving in the Army I had a problem and my Grandmother contacted Ted Kennedy and his office solved my problem in less than a week.
Good luck and God bless you all,
Larry
Leslie,
As a civilian YOU MUST contact the CSM Stephen K. TONIGHT!!!!!! He knows just what to do AND how to get it done. (*I am sure IF you asked he would find a way for a face to face with you.*) He would also be able to make certain you got a REALLY good JAG officer. I know between the two of them they will get Kevin's pay and any other problems straighten out a lot faster then your liason officer there.
Also contact Kevin's burn doctor back at Brook Army Hospitial and talk to him about 'cold country and how it will effect Kevin's burns with the healing process.
(**I got a feeling that he would tell you that Kevin may feel the cold more than most people. Something makes me think that the nerve endings and new skin might factor in.**) You might also contact one of the Shriner Burn Hospitials and ask one of the doctors those same question. Between the two, your should get enough information to make a good decision on where to live.
***Being around family and friends can and will help all of you with the stress, care, healing & improvements...and OF COURSE a shoulder or two for you to lean on when the times are a-closin in and hugs being the only thing that helps.***
Whatever you do *** DO NOT *** sign Kevin out of the Army with out the conversations with CSM Stephen K and the JAG Officer AND letting them both do all that they can do for Kevin.!!!
No advice as I'm a civilian, but loads of prayers for you in this decision making process.
Bless you, Leslie.
I agree with many others...Please contact CSM Kammerdiener!!! I think it would be in your and Kevin's best interest. He wants to and is able to be of GREAT assistance to you. Our prayers are still with you!! Hang in there!
The cold weather problem is about Kevin's burns, not his head wound, right?
Oh wow! I'm so sorry you have to face this tough decision. I don't have any advice other than to follow your gut feeling because you have good instincts. It sounds like you've gotten a lot of good advice to sift through and consider. I'll be praying that God will guide you and help you find the right people to help you make this decision. Take care.
My heart goes out to you and your family. Please know that you are receiving prayers from all over the globe.
I was a personnelist (HR) in the Air Force. When a persosn retires, they are given 100% medical care and still receive their Tricare benefits. Because he is also disabled, he will also receive disability. Personnaly, I think retiring him would be the best decision. It is ultimatly up to you and I pray that you make the best decision based on your son and his wishes.
Les, research research research!!! Contact anyone with legal knowledge and someone with military experience before you make a decision. You don't want to screw Kevin out of anything and somewhere along the line there's bound to be someone who will try to get you to make a decision too quickly. Follow someof the advice that other's have posted . You all are in my thoughts and prayers and I love you all. I hope Kevin has a better day today.
Love, Diana
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