Day 153 - Oct 31, 2008

Lots of little/big things today. First, Kevin began swallowing pills today. We didn't put one thing through his feeding tube at all today. He swallowed everything. This is big, because he is now off all feeds as well, due to the fact that he eats like a horse, so in a week or so, they will probably remove his tube.

Second, Kev was able to 'walk' his wheelchair all the way to the elevators. This is a considerable distance for someone in his situation and it is just showing us exactly how strong he is.

Kevin was also able to pull himself up 5 times into a standing position while on the standing frame this afternoon. That is the piece of equipment that I have pics of him standing with the other day. They actually pulled him up halfway and made him do the rest himself. From what I hear - he was even dancing while standing. I was in a meeting today, so I missed PT. I was so bummed! I should have given his therapist my camera...

Kevin also had an EGD (don't even ask what the letters stand for cause I couldn't even tell you. I know they took the tube down his throat as far as they could) and they don't see a 'true' reason for the vomiting. It is showing that his stomach is tilted slightly and I can only assume it's due to the scar tissue in his belly, but that's not causing the vomiting. I believe they are going to run a dye test next, but the doctor feels that the issue will resolve itself once the feeding tube is removed. I sure hope that's soon. That will be yet another huge step toward total recovery.

We have also eliminated the sitter from 4-12. I was so scared to leave tonight after Kevin went to sleep, but I forced myself to. I know it's a waste as we are at my place until usually 9-10pm and the sitter just sits and watches tv while we are gone, but it's just so scary to leave him alone - even while he is sleeping. I mean, what if he wakes up and is scared? We did teach him how to use the call button, but to be honest - I am not sure he understands when to push it. It's always easy for him to do something, it's just not always easy for him to understand why I am putting my trust with the nurses and I guess time will tell. He is just progressing so much.

We sure are lucky, huh? Who woulda thought I would ever say that? Today marks the 5 month mark and I really do feel lucky. I was afraid to even wish for his personality and it's there completely and that makes all of this ok. I can deal with everything else - homelessness, paralysis, everything - as long as we can still see that goofy smile and that mischievous twinkle in his eye.

Now y'all just need to remind me of this when I am having a 'down' day, ok? LOL!

Day 152 - Oct 30, 2008

First of all, Tracy left today. I really don't understand why her family needs her so much when really...we could use her so much more, lol.

But left, she did. We still managed to have a great day though. We were kinda lazy until this afternoon when he had all his therapies. Today we worked on transferring him from the chair to a mat. The therapists think he will be able to do this on his own once we get the vertigo taken care of, enabling him to stay at my place. That (the vertigo) in itself seems to be getting marginally better, but I am thinking that's gonna take a while for it to fully go away.

And today Kevin figured out that he can actually push and 'walk' his chair around all by himself. He wanted some candy and I told him if he could get to it, he could have it. I was not helping. He was all the way across the room (about 12 feet) so he pushed the foot rest up and shuffled with his left leg, while using his left arm to help steer that chair right to the closet (by pushing off of other objects in the room). He also tried to pull himself out of the chair to get into the candy bowl and that's when I had to step in and stop him, otherwise he would have fallen. Man, was he proud of himself! And to be honest - I was quite proud of him myself.

Then tonight, they had a small Halloween party outside were we toasted marshmallows and had S'mores with hot chocolate. Kevin and Breezy got to wear goofy masks that we picked up at the dollar store and it was fun. I really love it that they do fun things for the patients like that here. Here is a pic:



And that about sums up our day. Tomorrow Kevin is having a scope taken down to his stomach to try to figure out why he keeps vomiting. The docs finally came in this afternoon to look at the issue. Keep us in your thoughts tomorrow. I really hope they can figure it out.

Day 151 - Oct 29, 2008

We had an awesome day today. For the very first time in 5 months, Kevin got in a car and went for a ride. We actually went to a video store and rented movies and while on our way, he saw a Subway and nearly jumped out of his wheelchair trying to get us to stop. Obviously, that's where we went for lunch and unbelievably, he ate the whole 12" sub!

So here are a few pics of our outing:









I have to admit that I was worried that he wouldn't get in the car. It seems like sometimes he doesn't like to do things the first time around and he starts shaking really bad when we get near a parking lot (I am thinking that is PTSD). But he acted like this was something he did every single day. He just kept making the therapists turn the radio station and he was acting like a rapper and singing "yo, yo, yo" - it was hilarious! That kid will do anything to keep us laughing!

And I was told that there might be an organization that will loan a wheelchair accessible van to us and once we have that - we are cruisin'! There are so many things we can do here in Tampa and we will do them all.

Knowing that we need to really build up to all day adventures, we were in the chair 10 hours today. Actually, we went out and about in the van for about an hour and a half and then went to my room and spent the rest of the day and evening (til 10pm). We watched two of the videos we rented and visited with Chrissy and Drew too. We did have to make a quick run to the hospital for his meds at about 5pm, but we didn't even get out of the chair for it. It was like a drive-thru pharmacy, lol.

And that about sums up our day. Pretty cool, huh?

Day 150 - Oct 28, 2008

Kevin had a rough morning today between the vomiting and the pain. I think I jinxed us when I said it was all under control. The docs are planning to run some sort of test to see what could be causing the vomiting as there just doesn't seem to be a pattern. At first, I really thought it was from taking his meds on an empty stomach, but his stomach is never empty anymore so that's just not it.

He did get better this afternoon and we did get him up and we went down to the house for dinner. We are sorta settling into a routine for the evenings and that's kinda nice. I wish there was a way to have a routine during the day, but it is like a zoo here. It's just not possible.

I am going to cut it kinda short again tonight as Kevin is already sleeping and I want to visit with Chrissy and Drew while they are here visiting.

But before I go, someone asked for a refresher on who Joel is...he was also hurt in an attack, but I believe it was in Iraq. We met his family while in Texas and became close friends. I am excited to see what changes are in store for him too.

Oh - and one more thing...we have received quite a few boxes of goodies this week. From the yummiest choc chip cookies to a whole box of Steelers goodies to Halloween candy and so much more. Kevin is in heaven! Y'all would laugh hysterically if you could see his face when he gets gifts. Thanks everyone so very much. It makes me happy to see him happy!

Day 149 - Oct 27, 2008

I am kinda going to skip writing anything tonight. We are all exhausted and I just want to curl up with my book and then go to sleep.

Kevin did have a great day though and we had him in the chair about 8 hours today. Matter of fact, he wanted to stay at my house and not go back to the hospital tonight, but I had to talk him out of it. We will be doing that within the next couple of weeks, but I have to learn how to transfer him from his chair to a bed without a lift first. I also need to move the furniture around so that he doesn't fall out of bed and I have to find a different bed for me. If I remember correctly, burn victims can't sleep in the same bed as another person for a certain period of time. I need to check on this though...

So anyway, I will give a better update tomorrow.

Oh - and Joel did make it here safe and sound. Yay!!

Day 148 - Oct 26, 2008

Things didn't quite work out the way we planned. Breezy is getting sick so Tracy and I didn't end up going anywhere. It was ok though, as we brought Kevin down to the house for about 4 or 5 hours today and I finally got all the boxes completely unpacked that were sent from Texas.

We first had lunch and Kevin ate 2 cheeseburgers and some fries from McDonalds and an egg salad sandwich. After that he settled in and watched the new "Hulk" movie while Tracy and I cleaned and organized.

It was a pretty good day. And I am happy to say we have had no vomiting now for two days and the pain is becoming manageable.

Tonight I am just going to answer some of the questions that have been posted or emailed to me over the last few days. Sorry it has taken so long, but things are just so hectic here.

Which bring me to my first comment - to PFC Stephen Lober - I wish I had the time to be your Pen Pal, but it's all I can do to get through my days. I can be honest and tell you that I don't have time to even watch tv and it now takes me weeks to get through a book that I would read in less than a day before. I think it's cause when I do have a bit of free time - I sleep, lol. But know that my thoughts are always with the guys and gals that are far from home. Stay safe, ok?

Oh and before I forget - someone did step in and help and my pay for the month of Sept made it to my bank account. Thank you to whomever! As y'all can see - Kevin costs a fortune to feed!

And I found out that they stripped all of Kevin's entitlements away and that's why his pay has been messed up. I am rattling cages myself about all of this because it's just not right. I know a couple of the readers here have offered to help, but I just hate to use you guys like that, so I am going to give the liaisons here a chance to make it right and if they can't - I will contact all of you. That's gonna be when 'bitch mode' kicks in and I will do everything possible to get Kevin the things that he rightly deserves.

So I am going to end here tonight. I am beat and want to go home. And Kevin is finally sleeping...

Day 147 - Oct 25. 2008

Today was an extremely unusual day for Breezy and I. We kinda took the bulk of the day off and went to Busch Gardens. Tracy stayed with Kevin all day and from what I hear - they had a blast! But, before I get into everything about Kevin, I want to share a few BG pictures with you. We had a really great time and I think it helped us feel a little bit human for nearly a full day. This was a much needed respite as we are both feeling the pain of losing our home and I am glad Tracy was willing to give us this break. (and tomorrow Tracy and I are going to the beach and Breezy will be staying with Kevin - giving me almost a whole weekend break)

So the first pic is hilarious! The look on my face tells you that I am not much of an animal person, lol. Breezy, on the other hand has finally found a friend in Florida. Her name is Dolly, lol.





And moving on to Kevin, I guess he was in extreme mode today, lol. As a treat to the patients, the Star Wars characters came to the ward today. Kevin loved it! His eyes lit up as soon as Darth Vader came in (who was HUGE!). Kevin gave the little 'shotgun' finger salute to him and he razzed the Jedis and was truly enraptured of all the characters.

I was also told numerous times by the nurses tonight about Kevin singing and dancing in his bed while 5 nurses danced around his bed. I guess it was a heck of a party. Some of the nurses hadn't seen him in a while and were amazed at the progress he has made.

He did sit a total of 5 hours today in the chair and we are working on making it all day. We were invited to Disney World in early December for a 3 day weekend and we would like to go. I'm not sure about the whole 3 days, but even overnight would be awesome.

And I need to thank Chrissy and Drew for teaching Kevin a new quote the other day. Today, he clearly said "Hey you guys" from the movie "The Goonies". It seems like he can mimic movies and songs a lot easier than just say a word. If I am not mistaken, that's because the music and lyrics portion of the brain is located on the right side. I have heard that sometimes people can sing whole songs, but not say a word.

So here are the pictures I promised of Kevin standing up. I am giving you the play-by-play. He is wearing that 'sling' on his head to compress the fluid upwards and the first pic is him playing air guitar to an Atreyu song.













Pretty impressive, huh?

And to finish off, I wanted to let everyone know that Joel will be arriving on Monday! Finally!! It will be nice to have some friends living here and I am so glad he is well enough to finally get here! Yay!

And I know I have tons of questions that need answered, but I will get to them asap.

Day 146 - Oct 24, 2008

Things were a little bit better with the pain today, but he has vomited quite often. It's my personal belief that all of this is due to too much fluid being drained off his head too quickly. He literally went from a bulge on the top of it to it being sunken in about 3 inches or so within the last few days. The prosthetics dept also fashioned a 'sling' of sorts for the sac of CSF that is right above his left ear and that has been shrinking as well leaving a lot less fluid around his brain than he has been used to. Of course, we aren't sure about this, but it's something to consider.

I did leave the sling off today (it pushes the bulge upward forcing the fluid to move up into the recessed area and drain off) and we didn't have an episode like we did last night. I am going to hold off on using it over the weekend and see if all goes well. I will then try again on Monday and see what happens.

I am also proud to tell y'all that Kevin sat up by himself for a full 23 minutes today. Yeah! He went from 1 full minute the other day to 23 minutes today - astonishing, huh? The only thing that worries me is that he can't hold his head up at all when sitting like that or when standing. It is dropped down with him looking at his toes. It's not due to the neck muscles or anything like that, I think it's the vertigo. I'm not sure though and we are just going to have to work on that.

And yesterday he did stand up on this machine and he was able to for a full 7 minutes. He was in a lot of pain while doing it, but he managed it. I will have to wait to post those pics as I forgot to download the pictures earlier and Kev is trying to go to sleep so I don't want to get up and grab the camera and cord.

I also had a long talk with the doctor yesterday because I was concerned that we have seen no true signs of his right side working in the 5 months since the attack. He did admit to me that he feels Kevin may be hemi-paralyzed. Meaning one sided. He stressed the fact that Kev is young and has great family support, but it concerns him as well that he hasn't really moved anything yet.

So I then went to the physical therapist with the same question and she doesn't agree. She thinks he will be weak on the right side, but that he should have some movement. We did start that electro-stimulation on his shoulder (as it is pulling out of its socket) and hopefully that will make a difference.

I guess time is going to tell on this one, huh? I have to admit that there is always hope, but being realistic - the outlook isn't too great. You typically see movement within the first 6 months if you are going to see it and we are near the end of that window.

But hey - we can deal with it! As long as we have what we have mentally...what's a little bit of paralysis? Shoot - Kevin will just be racing his wheelchair around instead of a skateboard, right?

Day 145 - Oct 23, 2008

Kevin had a pretty rough night tonight. He was in so much pain that he was screaming, vomiting and thrashing about the bed. I believe he even passed out twice. It was hard - on all of us. Breezy was in shock and couldn't move. My heart was in my toes while I held his head up and Tracy just grabbed clean towels and vomit pans or whatever was needed. Chrissy and Drew were even there and they just stepped out of the room. It was horrible!

I don't even really know what happened. He was laughing and carrying on one minute and literally grabbed his head and started screaming the next. The intense pain lasted about 10 minutes and then he just lay in the darkened room for a good hour or so until we were able to get more pain meds to stay in him. I am likening the hour to a migraine, but there is no way for me to know for sure.

He finally did fall asleep and although I was going to stay the night up there, I did come home to catch some sleep. I am going to keep this post brief though as I am just exhausted.

Tomorrow I will show y'all some pics of Kevin standing up for the first time (strapped to a piece of equipment, of course). He did fantastic!

Day 144 - Oct 22, 2008

I'm not sure my mood is too much better, but I'm sure it will be in a couple of days. I think it's just all of the pressures combined. I know that Kevin is really doing fantastic, I do, but it's just exhausting having to do this every single day with no relief in sight.

It's also terribly frustrating to have to deal with pay issues for both Kevin and myself. His pays are terribly messed up and mine are non-existent. I have not seen one cent of the per diem for food and toiletries that I am supposed to have received since we arrived here two months ago. This would be a good time for me to say "Thank You" once again because we would be destitute without all of the help we have received. We honestly would not even be able to eat right now without the donations y'all have sent. Thank you so much!

And then I have to somehow find it in myself to accept being homeless. On Monday, all of our things will be moved into a storage facility. In all of my life I have never been in this situation. I have never not had a home. An address.

And yes, I know I have tons of friends and family members I can stay with, but it's just not the same.

And even scarier? How do you get a new home without a job? When we walk out of the hospital, how do you get a loan or rent an apartment when you don't have a job and haven't for all this time? I can assure you that landlords don't want to rent to someone without an income. And nobody will give a loan (esp in today's economy) when you haven't had your job for less than a year.

Ahhh...all these things just piling up. See? It's just no wonder I am in a weird frame of mind right now...

So anyway, moving on to Kevin...his head size came down some today. The neuro docs are thinking that this may just keep on happening to him. So it's going to be normal for him to get sick and his ICP to go through the roof possibly forever. I sure hope it becomes less frequent at least. It's been every other week or so and it's hard on him each time it happens. Something that kinda scares me about it too is that it won't be as obvious whenever he has his cranioplasty. Once his titanium skull is put in place, we won't see the shunt working or not working. At that point, I will have to rely on the other symptoms - vomiting, lethargy, etc. Gosh, I hope I am on the ball enough forever to see things clearly. It would be devastating to not see these things in time.

We did get Kevin down to my house today for dinner too. He fought it at first, but then he did well. He always hams it up in front of people at the house and he had a great audience tonight, lol. Once of the local churches supplied dinner tonight.

And I know I have some questions that need addressed, but I think this post is long enough so I am going to wait until tomorrow. I do want to thank everyone for your words of encouragement though. Sometimes it's really lonely here and during those times I always turn to the comments to feel like I have friends nearby.

And I feel bad for my friend, Tracy, as she is having to deal with me like this, lol. But I'm sure I will be better tomorrow.

Oh and Chuck? Thanks for listening to me whine on the phone today. I promise our next phone call won't be so bad, lol!

Day 143 - Oct 21, 2008

Boy, I'm real tired of this shunt thing. Unfortunately, Kevin's head is getting bigger so the neurosurgeon will be called for tomorrow morning. I am hoping it's just another gauge issue, but who knows. Luckily it's not affecting him too terribly today. He has been carrying on like normal and he did eat 4 pieces of pizza for dinner so no problems with the appetite.

About the only thing abnormal is the fact that he took a couple of naps today and he didn't want to go to my house for dinner. We did do a CT Scan this afternoon, so he missed nearly all of his therapies, but he did still have speech and that's our favorite, lol.

I really wish that the docs in Texas had placed the shunt in a different area. Where they placed it seems to be causing problems. I guess the gauge can get turned really easily and Kev has been laying on his right side sometimes to change his position and they think that is what caused it to get turned smaller the last time. As an FYI - it is placed down low behind his right ear.

And while I was in the middle of writing this post, Kevin actually got sick and vomited. It was within minutes of him getting his meds, so I am not sure if it was the meds or one of the symptoms from ICP (intracranial pressure - or in other words - the pressure of the CSF buildup against the brain)

I just wish this could all be done with and we could just go home. I really just want everything to go back to the way it was on May 30. I don't want my son to have to go through all of this crap. I don't want my daughter to have to give up her whole life to be here with us. I don't want to have to keep every friggin bit of nursing information and at least 12 different specialists information in my head. I don't want to remember every symptom of every problem we have. Frankly, I don't even want to remember what ICP is. And I don't want to know about burns and skin grafts and bone fragments and hemi-paralysis and H.O. and loss of brain tissue and I could go flippin on and on...

Damn! I hate this stuff and I am apparently having a little pity party tonight. I think I will just sign off now before I depress all of you. Sorry for my little outburst, but I really just want all of this to be over...and I think it's hitting home that it never will be.

Day 142 - Oct 20, 2008

We had yet another great accomplishment today. While in the gym this afternoon, Kevin was able to sit up himself, without any support, for a full minute. It sounds so simple, doesn't it? But let me assure you, it is a struggle, not only for his muscles, but also for the sense of vertigo that seems to appear when he moves in a way he is unaccustomed to. Now this doesn't mean that he was able to pull himself up, it just means that while already in a sitting position, the therapists pulled away and allowed him to hold himself up. All in all though, he did sit pretty straight up for a full 25 minutes and I credit the new chair for helping him to be able to do it for this length of time already.

We love our new chair!

It has already given us so many freedoms. Tonight was the third night in a row that Kevin came to my house for dinner! (Chinese, yum!). It is my goal to have him down every night to add some normalcy to our lives. It also gets all three of us out of that hospital room, which is so needed.

And tomorrow morning, we are going to a cafe of sorts that it located in a far off section of the hospital. I guess tomorrow is 'Panera Bread' day so that will be great.

I have to say, Kevin is eating like a horse. I would say he safely passes what both Breezy and I eat combined every day now. And he is also eating everything. No soft food or even mediums any longer. I will admit that I haven't given him chips or anything like that yet, but I would bet he can handle them.

As for his sleeping habits (Kristen, I know you sorta asked about this) - he is doing somewhat ok. Last night, I think he over-tired himself because he didn't go to sleep until 2:30 am. And that was with the help of a sleep aid, pain killers and an agitation medication (not all at the same time). It was just one of those nights where he couldn't sleep at all. He has actually asked for a sleep aid every night for the last 4 or 5 nights now and when he asked tonight I had to tell him 'no'. He is starting to rely on it and he hadn't even tried to fall asleep on his own yet. I am so happy to say that he did manage to fall asleep within a half hour of me saying 'no' so I am glad I played the meanie.

So since he is sleeping, I am going to head home. For those that are local to Butler, PA - check the Butler Eagle over the next few days. They are planning to do an update on Kevin's condition for their readers.

Goodnight all!

Day 141 - Oct 19, 2008

Another awesome day today. First Breezy came home (with Tracy too!) and Kev was really happy to see her. To see both of them really. He was, once again, in fine form all day.

As our surprise, we took him to my house and we had a nice family dinner. We had 2 stuffed chickens, mashed potatoes, garlic green beans and homemade M&M cookies. As our guests, we had my sister, Kim (who did most of the cooking = gotta love that, lol), my brother-in-law (b-i-l) Joe, my niece Chrissy, my friend Tracy, Breezy, Kevin and myself. This is Kevin's first meal cooked at home. Here are a couple of photos of all of us enjoying this wonderful dinner:





And we actually took a more formal photo of all of us too. Here it is, as well as one of just the three of us:





I must say, I think Kev will be sad to see Kim and Joe go home. He really is loving having everyone come and visit. Unfortunately though, they are leaving tomorrow afternoon.

At least Tracy is still here (and will be for 11 days - yay!). Although she claims she is filing a lawsuit because her cheeks hurt so much from laughing at Kevin's antics. He has just kept everyone laughing hysterically today. She honestly says her face hurts so much, lol.

Also, Kev did receive a call from one of the guys in Germany today. Rigney called and he emailed us some pics while we were talking to him and Kevin looked at them while Rigney told him about them. For the most part, Kev did remember most of the people. Some he would look at for a while and shake his head 'no', but each day we remember more and more so I am cool with it. And it always appears that Kev thinks about things overnight and miraculously remembers or understands by the next day. Maybe that will happen again. I must say, it was a very emotional call, on both ends. Kevin was really excited when he saw a pic of Rigney and realized he was talking to him. He was making noises and shaking his head 'yes' very strongly.

And that about sums up our day. I get to sleep in again tomorrow as my sister is coming in early. Yipee! I love to sleep, lol.

Now if only Kev would...

Day 140 - Oct 18, 2008

Well...apparently Kevin gave some thought overnight to the lift and the new chair and decided it was ok because today he got in the chair and had a blast in the lift. Here are a few pics of the lift (using my new camera!):





And once in the chair, we made it down to my house (although we did have to go a different route - not through the parking lot, but to the front of the house) and my sis and b-i-l went to KFC and we all ate dinner together while there. I think Kev was in the chair over 3 hours today - which is awesome! We have a special treat for him tomorrow night, but I will share it with y'all then.

I am so glad that he was willing to do it after all! And recreational therapy saw him out and about today and told us that now that he is in the chair we can schedule trips. We can soon go to the movies and shopping and out to dinner and to the aquarium and a museum and so forth and so on. That is just so exciting, huh?

And Barbara, you also mentioned OCD. Wow - I have to say - that has really become part of Kev's life. Matter of fact, today we wheeled him past a basket and something was at an odd angle in it and he made us stop so that he could fix it. It was somebody else's grocery basket and thankfully they were cool with it, lol. It definitely is different - he used to not care what things were like, but now everything has to be 'just right'. Hehe - I guess more of me is rubbing off on him, lol.

Also, Kevin now has two new words in his vocabulary. He learned the word "no" a couple of days ago (I just kept forgetting to mention it) and today he learned the word "love". I think I am going to stop there for a week or so and just concentrate on him being able to say them without thinking about it. Sometimes it takes minutes for the word to come out and sometimes he still just says "hi" while trying to say something else. It's all part of the process, I know, but if we can get these ones fluent, then we can move on.

And that about sums up the day today. This has been an early post because Kev is watching a movie and only talks to me on commercials, lol. And yay! Breezy is coming home tomorrow morning! Her and my friend, Tracy, are coming in together. I can't wait for Breeze to see the lift!

Day 139 - Oct 17, 2008

Today was a different kind of day. Kev wasn't in a great mood, but he was ok. We did do something new today though and I think it was kinda scary for him.

PT actually ordered a new kind of wheelchair for him that is easier to maneuver and it can also go in a van or any wheelchair accessible vehicle. Currently the one we had was this HUGE, bulky thing that had no shocks and couldn't fit in any type of vehicle. The good thing about it though was that it would lay flat and we could just put a sheet under Kevin in his bed and 3 of us could lift him slightly and kinda slide him from his bed to the flat chair.

No can do with the new chair as it doesn't lay flat and we have to use a lifting device to slowly pick him up from the bed and suspend him in midair while we slide it/him across the room, with him just hanging in this harness type thing. Once we get above the chair, we lower him into it and remove the harness.

Let me tell you - it didn't go over very well. At first, I think it might have hurt his head to be jiggled around so much. But then I think he might have been scared. I did think, after a few minutes, that he was going to be fine with it, but I was wrong. We decided to try to walk to my house and once again, we got close, but then he started shaking really badly and we couldn't get him to calm down no matter what.

I just don't know what could be the reason. I realize that it was pretty much one of the only times he was truly outside. I mean outside with no roof over his head (we did keep an umbrella above his head due to his burns). Could it be he is afraid of the outside? I mean, let's face it - he was outside in the top of the truck when the attack happened. And other than the transports to the airports, he hasn't seen the sun in nearly 5 months. I know he doesn't remember the attack, but the subconscious has a way of making itself known.

Or could it be that he just hurt really badly from the bumps? Or did the lift petrify him because he was suspended in midair? Gosh, I just don't know. And who really knows...it could be something I am not even thinking of.

So hopefully he will be willing to do it again. If he doesn't - he won't ever be able to go on trips or even come to my house. He can continue to use the other chair to go downstairs and stuff like that - but that will be it. We can only hope as I would hate to see him so restricted, kwim?

I am going to finish up with a few questions and hopefully Kevin will be asleep by the time I am done so I can go home and go to bed.

Brenda - I sincerely hope you visit when you are down this way.

Barbara - Kevin used to be on Baclafin (sp) for his spasms. I am not sure what the new one is as it's a long name, but the Baclafin worked wonders. They only discontinued it because they didn't feel he needed it anymore.

Mary - you tell Clark to keep safe when he heads back to Iraq and it's nice to hear from you and your family!

To everyone from the Army that knows Kevin - thanks for correcting me on Ortiz's last name. I had written Cortez, even though I had a feeling it was wrong. He actually came by to visit Kevin today too. Kev just perks right up when he sees him. I love it! And y'all are right - Ortiz is a great guy and his wife is awesome too!

Karl - Kevin is an even bigger pain in the butt now. I'm afraid he is being quite spoiled, lol. Stay safe, buddy!

OK - he is snoring away so off to do laundry now. I forgot that I had to do that before going to bed. Aargh...

Day 138 - Oct 16, 2008

Today was an awesome day! First, Kevin's head is smaller that it has ever been and thankfully - there is no real pain anymore. We did start a new spasticity medication yesterday so most of those are gone now too.

We did go to the gym today and Kevin sat up (with hardly any pain) for a full 20 minutes! The last time we tried this he only made it 10 minutes and he was in pain pretty badly. We did something different today too - we bore weight on his right arm. In other words, we had him lean his body onto his right arm. He did really well with this and I even have a pic to show you (of course he was hamming it up, lol):



He sure looks great, doesn't he?

So after therapy we went back to the room and my sister and Joe were already there and Kev was so excited! I think he is loving having all of these family members around. The only person we haven't gotten here yet is my dad and he will be coming in December.

And to top the day off, Kev and myself, Kim and Joe all went to a banquet tonight. Yes - even Kevin went. It was located in the hospital and it honored the wounded heroes. Y'all just won't believe what that was like! When we got there, they put us at a head table (more because Kev's chair takes up a lot of space) and Kev was really scoping the place out. Well, this guy and his wife happened to sit down at the table with us and when he and Kevin looked at each other, Kevin's eyes lit up with recognition and I swear - the look of glee on his face made me get teary. I didn't understand what was going on at first, but when Kevin kept looking at this guy and this guy started calling Kev's name as he got up to come to us, I realized they knew each other. Apparently they were together in Germany and went on a road trip to Ramstein. I can't tell you how many emotions flit across Kevin's face at that moment, but within seconds, he sat up straighter, got that soldier glint in his eyes and shook hands with that man, Ortiz I think was his name, with such force that I truly was turning away crying.

I wish I could explain why this touched me so much, but it was like Kevin was remembering a vital part of who he was. Who he is. And from that moment on, Kevin did sit up straight - for more than 2 hours - and he shook hands with generals and allowed all types of pictures to be taken.

And let me tell ya - he ate like a horse! He ate steak and chicken and bread and potatoes and pie and a cookie and then he came back and had cheesecake too. And truthfully, he ate BBQ ribs and a cinnamon roll right before going down.

So now I am going to share two pictures with you that will show what Kevin's head looks like on the right side. Mind you, the quality of these is horrible because they were pics taken at the banquet and printed out there on an inkjet printer and I used my camera to take a pic of them. I don't have access to a scanner here. The first is Kevin with Ortiz and the second is him and I.

Before scrolling down, think about whether you can handle seeing the pics. Please remember that Kevin does not have a skull on that side and his head is sunken in at the top and he has a huge sac of CSF right above his ear. It is not easy to look at if you are not a person that can handle these kinds of things.

I have put space between my words here and the images so you don't have to see them if you choose not to. Just close your browser now.

I personally feel he looks fantastic, but I have seen him look worse. And I have also seen the looks he receives while we are out and about at the hospital.

Day 137 - Oct 15, 2008

Ok - so I was seriously wrong. It apparently was the gauge because his head had major CSF reduction over the night last night. I was actually quite shocked when I went in this morning - and happy too - as he is always at his best when the pressure is released.

And yes! He was in fine form all day today, lol.

I am also pleased to announce that Kevin weighed in at a whopping 123 lbs today! Yahoo! He has gained 7 pounds in the last week or so. Which shouldn't come as a surprise with all the cheesecake he is eating, lol. Not to mention McDonalds and Pizza Hut and Cinnabon...

The doctor did also prescribe a new spasticity medication. I met with him first thing this morning and it was obvious to him today that it was necessary. Hopefully this takes the rest of the pain away. We didn't need to give him any pain meds at all today because he turns them away if he can handle the pain, which makes us both happy. We sure don't want to take home any addictions.

And my mom and Dawn left today to go home. It was a very nice visit. And tomorrow my sister, Kim, and her husband, Joe, are coming down. They will be here for 4 days. This will cover the time that Breezy was away. She is coming home (to Tampa) on Sunday.

I am going to hit some of the emails and then pop off to bed...

Pam - you mentioned seeing Moe talking to another couple about Kevin while at work. I just have to say - MOE - I LOVE YA!!! (and you too, Pam!) I honestly just couldn't handle all of this without you! You have helped me so much - first by raising money so that we can afford to stay here with Kev - and second, by just dealing with all of the caring people out there that have no way to find out information other than through you. I truly thank you so very much! And thanks for mentioning it, Pam. I sometimes forget all that goes on up there as I am just so focused down here.

And speaking of money - I want to mention a cookbook that the committee is putting together. I am going to just forget that it benefits us while I mention it (because that is still a bitter pill for me to swallow), but I just love cookbooks and always buy one when I see them for sale. I like it that it's ending up being about all of our servicemen and women. From what I was told, people are putting "In Memory Of" and "In Honor Of" and their loved ones' names with their submitted recipes. I think that is a great testament to our military personnel. Anyway, for more information on submitting recipes, please visit http://www.KevKammbenefit.blogspot.com

Ronnie - please see someone that would have Breezy's phone number. Or drop yours in a post here. I am thinking I can get your airfare down here paid as it would benefit Kevin to see you. There are organizations that will help the wounded soldiers recuperate in any way they can and this would be good for him. We showed him your picture today and he was shaking his head and laughing because he remembered you.

Mel - we did receive the CDs. We listen to at least one every day (which kills me, lol)

Cathy M - I can't say there's anything that I need right now, but those that know me know that I would never ask anyway, lol. I am very curious as to what Holee knows though...lol...

Holee...did you honestly think I wouldn't hear that whisper? Hehe...

Day 136 - Oct 14, 2008

Well, I think I was wrong. Kevin's head did come down a tiny little bit overnight so it really might have just been a gauge issue. I am keeping my fingers crossed on it.

I noticed today too, that all of his pain isn't just from his head. If you remember, they took him off of the spasticity medication and he has been having a TON of spasms and shakes in his right arm and leg. Every time he does spasm, he moans so it might be that as well. I will hit the doc with that one in the morning as that doc was out for the weekend and through tomorrow.

This is going to be a very short post as I am just so tired. I do want to thank everyone for keeping my dad in your thoughts too. He is home now - Breezy went and picked him up at the hospital and took him out for dinner.

Oh and Brenda - the package arrived today! Thanks so much!

I will catch up with y'all tomorrow night.

Day 135 - Oct 13, 2008

Hmmm...I am a little disappointed today. The neurosurgeon came and said that the gauge on the shunt just got misaligned and that's what caused the buildup of CSF. He did use the magnet to put it back to where it needs to be and he felt there was a difference after only 30 minutes, but I don't see any difference at all and it's been 13 hours since he left.

He is planning to come back in the morning to check it again and I am thinking he will test further then. Who knows...maybe I will come in tomorrow and it will be smaller and I will have been wrong, but I really don't think it's a gauge issue. And poor Kev is still in some pain. Sometimes he will just move and grab his head. I can only assume it's kinda like a migraine.

Other than that, it was a quiet day today. My mom and sister took off with my niece and went to the beach. And sadly, my dad ended up in the hospital in PA today. And my mom is here which makes it even worse. He is going to be ok, he just needs a stress test in the morning after having some chest pains today. My mom isn't going home until Wed afternoon, so my other sister is having to take care of everything on the home front.

So I am going to hit some of the questions y'all have asked.

Brenda - no box yet. I think things may end up in the mail room here at the hospital for a day or two. Let me know if you get a delivery confirmation and we will test that theory out.

Sgt G - the camera you sent arrived! Guys, this man and his wife sent me a new digital camera so that there are no blurry smiling pics any more. It has some kind of smile shutter and it also handles the blurries (I know - that's not a word, lol). And it came at a great time because Breezy took my camera home with her. Now I just need to figure out how to use it...

Jessica - although I am not 100% sure, I do believe the reason he can't sit long is because he has to rebuild all of those muscles from them not being used at all for months. We have been trying to strengthen them, but it's hard because when something like this shunt thing happens - we have to start all over again because we go days without being in the chair. And thanks for the link of the bullrider story. It was so understandable.

Kristen - tell Travis "hi" and that someday he will be able to go to the VA hospital in Butler to visit. I feel bad because there has been no time for me to call you guys at work and I miss our chats! Hell - I just miss all of you so much! I know you guys all read the blog so here is a personal "HELLO" to my girls at work!!

And that also applies to other friends from work (Cheryl, Susan, Jen, etc). Thanks to everyone for your continued support.

Jenna - that is very interesting about shunts having problems if a person is healing too quickly. I wonder if that could be our problem? And thank your husband for him thinking that the other families here may fuel themselves with the progress Kevin has been making. That puts a new spin on things.

So there we are. A few less emails in my inbox. And hopefully tomorrow is a better day.

Day 134 - Oct 12, 2008

Another not so good day today. Although the results aren't back yet, it appears Kevin's shunt has quit working again. His head is much larger and he wasn't his normal happy self today. He is also in pain and that's not something we see often either. I just had to dose him up with some more pain pills in the hopes that he will feel better enough to go to sleep. I feel so bad for him!

Frankly, I am just getting very frustrated by this shunt business! Why can't things just work for once, kwim? I have already accepted that this has happened to him, to us really, but geez - cut us a friggin break already!! Grrrr. Man, I just don't understand life sometimes!

And really, I feel even guilty for griping about his shunt problem when there are people here in such a worse place than we are. Sometimes I hide in my room because it's hard to be with the others because Kev is doing so well. They always ask about him and they are always so excited about the things he says and does, but it's always hard when I ask about their guys and get their responses. One woman has been here 9 months with her son and she is happy because he opened his eyes for the first time a few weeks ago. 9 months of nothing. Gosh, Kev was in his coma for 6 weeks and I was devastated - I can't imagine 9 months. It's just so sad that these kinds of injuries occur. And they aren't all war injuries either. We have snowboarding accidents, helicopter crashes, car accidents, one guy fell off a roof - there are all kinds of causes here.

I will say one thing though - they have all said that an open head wound is the best kind to have. Those TBIs are typically in one area of the brain. Closed head wounds have the brain bounce around, crashing from one side of the skull to the other, causing multiple brain trauma areas - and those are the guys that aren't seeing major improvements. They are the ones that make my heart bleed. It's just so sad...

Wow. This is one depressing post, huh?

So I will end with one good little part of the day (to make us all feel better) - Kevin is eating like a horse. I am very afraid that it won't be long until he is back to what he was before he left for the Army. Back then, when he wanted peanut butter sandwiches, he would literally use a whole loaf of bread and 1/2 of a large jar of JIF peanut butter. I could barely afford to feed him back then and it looks like it's heading back that way, lol. But I'll take it - I really will!!